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5 replies

Really alone

The situation with my 22tr old son has been going on for over 3yrs addiction and being involved in the supply of drugs and each time I feel he's turning a corner ......I'm at the end of what to do Ive totally failed him I don't know what else to do . He can't live with me as he's caused a safe guarding issue for my youngest who has learning disabilities.im lost the lies I don't know him anymore I really don't.is there anyone who relates who could chat cus I really don't know what is rite from wrong anymore for him.

replying to Hockley

I realise this is a very old post, but you sound just like me. I also don't know what's right anymore - I want to be strong and not get taken in by my 28 year old son's lies and constantly feeling sorry for himself. I want to say no more weed in my house, or you leave, but I'm scared of how he'll react. If you still need to chat I'm in the same situation.

replying to Hockley

Hi thankyou for the msg unfortunately I have gone further than yourself and did at first saying no weed in the house but he had an annexe to the house n just did it there or went for a "walk"..he then got a drug debt and i ended up answering the door to one of the men....and then we had two late night break-ins in the back of the annexe..police involved and his tray n parafanalia was in there...do you get the aggression and the denial especially the one that it's not addictive?? I have other younger children and they were put on the at risk so I had to throw him out ... honestly there is do much more I can tell you how long has it been going on with your son,?

1 reply

replying to Hockley

Hi all,

Thank you for sharing your stories with the forum. I'm sorry to hear that your son's behaviour is causing you so much stress.

I'm the mum of a 29yr son who has alcohol and cocaine addictions. It was living hell from age 14.

A couple of years ago, I found this forum and joined the Theresa thread here. There are several mums with sons with addictions all at different stages in their addiction. Everyone is so supportive and kind and helped me when I felt I couldn't talk to anyone. Also, the Forum homepage offers advice and support also the Icarus trust posts here too.

Thankfully my son is currently in recovery, 8 months +. Its been a long , hard battle for him and us.

He joined CA and AA groups, through his own choice (it has to be their decision) when he was ready to seek support.

I wanted you to know there is light at the end of the tunnel- but only when they are ready.

He still has his difficult days, but the fellowship are brilliant.

Please look after yourself, and let him know you love him, but hate what this addiction is doing to him and the family.

Keep in touch here

Lx

1 reply

replying to Hockley

Hi,

So sorry to hear about your son and how you are feeling. If you would like some help please contact us at Icarus Trust as we support people dealing with addiction in their family. We have trained and experienced Family Friends who you could chat with that might help answer some of your questions.

You can contact us on contact@icarustrust.org

All the best.

1 reply

replying to Hockley

My son has been smoking cannabis since he was 15. He has so many mental health problems -agoraphobia (except to go out and buy cannabis), sleep and dreaming problems, eating disorder, depression, anxiety, obsessiveness - I don't know where to start. 3 years ago we were at a huge crisis because of his anger and called the police 3 times. They were always kind and understanding to all of us, but they did take him away once and another time made him leave the house. He used to make me feel guilty and threaten suicide and self harm which made me even more scared. I read lots of books and self help articles and I've got over the fear and guilt, and things have improved now he knows he can't control me.

We've had a couple of hours of tantrums this evening and now he's apologetic and lovely but says he hates himself and everything about his life. I'm exhausted now but I'll write again, and thank you for being there and understanding.

1 reply

replying to Lindyloo

Thankyou so much I really feel I've totally let him down...I've not spoken to him for a couple of weeks because he yet again lied and cheated me with his denial ...I really don't know why or what to do I'm broken I can't get through to him it's like he lives in a make believe life and I'm his mum he doesn't have to with me...I've lost him but I don't want to loose him if that makes sense....my heart has hope from your story I will try and access the people you have sent but I'm pretty useless at technology etc... I really appreciate your msgx

replying to

I will thankyou

replying to redrose

I really feel I've let him down but he was out of control It was the most devastating decision to make him leave...I had him bk for 12 MTHS and it got worse i feel so guilty that I just couldn't fix him ...Its like ground hog day with him n I feel you with the exhaustion with the arguments etc your doing so well to be strong I lost the strength n I feel guilty for it every day..I really don't know what is the right or wrong way to deal with it?

replying to Hockley

You definitely have not let him down. When they are under the spell of addiction, that's all they think about. Nothing else matters, only the alcohol, weed, cocaine or whatever. It messes with their brain, they don't think clearly.

Let him know you love him, and will support him when he's ready.

But don't enable him, speak to Icarus trust, they have counselling I believe.

For the "Theresa " thread, click the "share your story " and scroll down. You'll see that you're not alone. The mums offer words of support and advice, even though they have their own troubles.

I understand the "loss", like you're grieving for the son he used to be, I did that too. Please have faith and strength, mostly look after yourself.

Take care

Lx ❤️

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