: Drugs, alcohol and mental health

Discuss the twin challenges of mental health and substance use

6 replies

My mum won't stop drinking

Hi, I live alone with my mum and shes constantly drinking. She has always liked a drink however the past 2 years it's become a regular thing. Most days she will drink a lot and it turns her into an angry person. She is always looking for a fight with me and I don't know how to deal with it. I have no one to talk to about it. I've recently dropped out of college because my home situation is messing with my mental health, it's left me feeling so low and depressed.

I have mentioned to her about her drinking but this only makes her really angry so I can't say anything anymore. I'm always trying to help her but I can't do it anymore, I'm stuck. She's always trying to get me to have a drink with her and calls me boring because I don't want to. Feeling very lost.

1 reply

replying to Chloe03

Hi Chloe, welcome to the forum, everyone here has a loved one with addiction.

I'm sorry to read that your mum's alcohol addiction is causing you mental health issues.

It's a very stressful situation when living with someone with addiction. Is there someone close you can tell ? If not, the Adfam homepage offer advice and support/counselling. So do Drugfam.

From experience, ( my son has alcohol and cocaine addictions), I can say that , until your mum is ready to admit she needs help , it's a tricky situation to try and get her to stop.

Please seek help and support for yourself Chloe, you need to look after yourself. Try Adfam or Drugfam, perhaps even speaking to your doctor put them in the picture about your situation.

Keep in touch here, people here are very supportive ❤️

Lx

replying to Lindyloo

Hey, Thanks for replying! It's very stressful indeed, I'm feeling very drained of it. I know it's an addiction and hard to stop but I feel like she puts her relationship with alcohol before mine. Everyday is a battle because I never know what mood she will be in, I dread waking up sometimes as there's just no escape from it.

There was a teacher in college that I could talk about it with but after dropping out, I don't have anyone close to talk to. Were a very small family, I only have an auntie but she's an alcoholic herself so there's no point talking to her. I really want to help my mum but she has to be willing to do that and she's just not ready but at the same time, I don't know how much more I can put up with before I have a breakdown.

replying to Chloe03

Hi Chloe,

I'm so sorry that you're in this situation. It's very frustrating as you try to help, but as you say, they are so locked into this battle they have with alcohol. It's the addiction, it turns them into horrible, nasty people we don't recognise any more. This truly isn't your mum, it's the addiction.

My son was the same, nothing was more important than his next drink or fix. Makes them selfish and mean .

Please contact one of the counselling services on this homepage or Drugfam. They should help, every case is different I suppose.

My son just needed to know we loved him , no matter what.

Ultimately, it's down to them to make the changes Chloe .

In the meantime, find time for yourself when you are able. This is really important to avoid any more mental stress you don't need.

I also want you to know there's light at the end of the tunnel- my son is currently 11months clean after a really bad experience and he got support from AA and CA groups.

Your mum needs to want this for herself, first and foremost.

Take care of yourself, Chloe

Sending hugs

Lx ❤️

1 reply

replying to Chloe03

Forgot to mention, the Icarus Trust posts here too. They are a charity who help families of people who have addictions.

Google them and find out more.

Lx

1 reply

replying to Lindyloo

Thank you so much for your advice! I know this isn't my mum, it's the addiction. I guess it's just a little upsetting to see her this way, I feel like I'm losing her. All's I've wanted this week is a hug off my mum but when she's drinking I can't go anywhere near her as she doesn't let me and she always turns violent.

I'm so happy for your son, you must be so proud of him! It really is amazing how well he's doing. I wish him and yourself all the best for the future!

replying to Chloe03

You're welcome Chloe 😊

Yes it's so hard to see them being taken over by addiction.

I felt I was grieving for the lad he used to be- I know exactly how you feel! It's a horrible situation and you don't deserve this.

Make sure you contact one of some of these support groups Chloe- you'll feel that you have someone fighting your corner. It's a lot for a young person like you to handle by yourself.

Yes, so proud of him. He's been helping others too, looks so much better. He's still not 100%, but a hell of a lot better than he was!

Thank you so much for your kind wishes I'll keep you and your mum in my prayers- this also has got me through some difficult times.

Take care, keep in touch,

Lx ❤️

replying to Chloe03

Hi chole how are you both doing? .I'm an alcoholic and a mum she's a seven year old little girl .she lives with her father through my choice because of my behaviour when I drink .i shall be going back to my first AA meeting in two years again tomorrow to try to recover ,please be safe in the knowledge that as horrible as it is your mum is just really sick and its not in anyway a reflection of how she feels about you only herself and her lack of capabilities. if you do get a moment when she is listening try and explain to her there are thousands of us sick mothers and you wonderful daughters out there we've just got to be braver than we've ever been sometimes and get some help xxx

replying to Chloe03

Hi, my husband is the same, we have literally just had a argument about his drinking again, makes me so drained.

replying to Chloe03

I literally could have wrote this myself!! The things that have helped me may not be the most proactive or best things to do but it’s helped me survive:

1- have your own life - I found when I was home a lot, my mums addiction became my addiction in a way because all I was thinking about was her, alcohol and whether that night was going to be another bad one and my own mental health significantly deteriorated with the constant anxiety

2- I found talking to her about her alcohol use whilst she was drinking just increased the chances of her lashing out, I’m not saying don’t talk to her about it and offer her your support but pick your times. I personally found talking about it in a natural environment was best I.e when we were in the car and nothing else to talk about or I’d ask her to walk the dog with me etc

3- if you can, try and be open with your friends/family. This is something I didn’t do and I massively regret this. I lived through my childhood and early adulthood embarrassed of my mums addictions, not because of her but because I felt I’d done something wrong and let her down (which is crazy to think that i, a 9 year old girl would lead my mum to addiction, I know it’s not the case now). A lot of people are understanding and having someone you can be honest with, will do the world of good to your own well-being and mental health

I don’t know if this helps at all but it’s just a few things I’ve picked up over the past few years.

Good luck x

Please abide by our forum guidlines.

This forum uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.

We use optional analytics cookies to help us improve our site by collecting and reporting anonymous information on how you use it.