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Drained

I am at braking point with my husbands drinking, it’s heavy and it’s every night, he can get really nasty when confronted, last night he said I am the worse thing that has happened to him. We also have to young children. I have tried to say to him how his actions are going to effect his relationship with them but he doesn’t seem to care. Spent most of last night crying and I know he won’t remember a thing when he wakes up.

replying to Nova1985

I'm sorry you are going through this too. I'm currently with an addict -- the father of our young child. I've found he says the most horrible and nasty things to me because of the drugs and drink. I try to rise above it. There is no point in engaging with them when they are high or drunk. Just remember it is not you... and that you deserve better/respect. I try to spend as little time as possible around mine when he is on the substances... for my own sanity.

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replying to Nova1985

Sorry to hear you are going through the same problem, I also try to rise above it, but he knows how to trigger me into a argument, then blame it all on me.

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replying to Nova1985

Yeah the blame thing seems to be a thing... I've spoken to others on here who also get blamed. Mine tries to blame me for his using - saying I stress him out and cause him to use! He also says I ruin his high, thus apparently causing him to need to use more.

It's all rubbish!

Have you read about grey rock? It can be a useful tactic in an abusive dynamic.

replying to Nova1985

Hi Nova, really sorry that you're going through this. Take every step you can to make sure you're looked after. Whether it's a friend or a counseling service (if that's available to you), please use them. It takes a while, but all that blame and anger on their own will wear your down if you're not careful.

There's a few fairly common behaviours with addicts I've picked up from here and other resources. Deception, and denial is part of that - especially when they're face with the hard truth of their addiction. Blaming you for it is another - really important to remember that his driving is a choice he makes. He'll use what he can to justify it, but it is his choice, and his action, and no one else's. Least of all yours.

replying to Nova1985

Hi

I’ve found I get the “blame” too

It’s my fault that I don’t understand him / we are different people / we want different things / this is just who he is and if I can’t accept that he’ll leave

It’s always threats of leaving - all about making it my problem

I’ve just posted to say it’s reached a head here and he’s realised how much of a problem he has. He’s left for a few days - I don’t know how long a few days is.

replying to Nova1985

I’m sorry your going through this . I’m sorry we all have to deal with this and not be completely loved the way we should . The best thing I found is to avoid him when he is drinking . It’s hard but it helps sometimes . ❤️

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