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My addiction to cocaine

So 5 years ago I started doing cocaine. I vowed I would never touch drugs in my life after family members lost there ways to it eventually leading to their death through direct consumption or suicide.

I went through a dark part of my life where I tried commuting suicide myself and it led me to consume coke. At the time it made me happy and perked me up . 5years on its ruining my life I don't get the buzz and it makes me worse. I've always had a addictive personality so if it wasn't coke it was food or gambling, I wanted to share this because I'm at my wit's end I feel like everytime I drink alcohol my brains telling me I need it. I wanna live a long life but I know carrying this on I'll be dead before 30. Anyone else suffering with the addiction could you give me advise I really need it

replying to Kezz1994

Hi Kezz, welcome to the forum and thank you for sharing your story.

I'm so sorry to read that you have lost family members through addiction and suicide.

Do you have anyone close to talk to that aren't using?

My son is almost 30, he has alcohol and cocaine addictions, the alcohol triggers the need for cocaine. He had been experimenting with different substances since age 14.

It was a living nightmare living with him. He also has an addictive personality. Gambling, sex, alcohol, cocaine- whatever he does- he does it 100%.

I think he has ocd.

It came to a head 2 yrs ago, he was about to lose everything. Job, flat, car his family- he reached out for help.

He attended AA and CA groups and through the help from these guy, he got himself clean. He had a couple of relapses on the way- but he is currently 1 year clean!

I wanted you to know, that people care, there IS help out there- but you need strength and determination to get you through it. Read Danman83 and Jamesb posts here, they are guys in recovery offering support and advice.

Keep posting and let us know how you're doing- you have already taken the first step in admitting that addiction is taking over your life.

Stay strong my friend ❤️

Lx

replying to Kezz1994

Hi mate, I hope you're alright.

Thanks Lindy for mentioning me, it's really humbling to know that people out there appreciate my posts on here.

I know it sounds patronising but honestly, be proud of yourself for even having the strength to come here and post looking for help. That's a huge thing especially with cocaine addiction because how the addiction manipulates your brain to forget the damage pain it causes you so that you keep doing it.

I won't bore you with an essay about myself and my addiction story but unfortunately (and it's isn't something to brag about) there's not too much cocaine addiction wise that I can't relate to. The only positive is that now I can try give advice to people which is basically what I wish someone had said to me when I was bad.

To best understand what's going on with you to try give you the best advice possible (the bottom line though will always be join CA) but would you mind giving a better understanding of the whole picture? Or what aspects of life that it's mainly affecting?

Do you work? Is it effecting that?

Do you have your own place or live with parents?

Who knows about your addiction?

Do you have a partner and do they know?

Do all of your friends get on it too when you all go out so it's always there?

Has it caused financial issues etc?

Sorry if that's alot of personal questions but you'll probably know yourself all of those things are directly effected by cocaine addiction.

Until we speak again, just know that there is a better life out there waiting for you. There will be people out there and some who may surprise you who will support you. Don't beat yourself up for anything you have done, you can't change that. All that matters is that you are heading in the right direction and you are willing to try.

If you have any questions you want to ask me I will answer anything you want. I'm on here every few days at least and I'll always get back to you.

You got this, the life you imagine living is just around the corner.

Stay strong and speak soon

James x

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