Hi mate, I hope you're okay.
Please don't feel like anything you post on here is pointless. Even just typing it in can help sometimes like you say it's venting.
This is an interesting one because of the fact you said he goes months without it and is his normal loveable self for a long time then he snaps back into using or bingeing I think you said.
Through what I've learnt from therapy and my own recovery (this is something a few people may disagree with because it didn't make sense to me at first either) is that he isn't so much addicted to the substance ie the coke but he is addicted to what ever benifits he gets from doing it. They may be that getting on it for him relieves stress, or takes him away from reality or what ever it may be.
I say this because I don't think there are many people out there who are addicts who actually enjoy being am addict and infact most of not all of us would say we prefer life when we are sober. Of course though people do relapse so for me to say that cocaine doesn't have the power to draw someone back into using even when they have stopped for a while would be ludicrous.
You said there are patterns too before he actually reverts to it. What kind of things would they be?
Id hazard a guess that your husband has something else going on and the cocaine is his way of dealing with it. If it was a straight forward weekend user who got out of hand then it wouldn't be as common to have the long periods off it then to return, especially if he has a loving partner and child.
I personally started getting bad when my mum was diagnosed with terminal cancer. I was obviously sad all the time and was breaking down in tears at work. Being self employed I had to find a way to just carry on and unfortunately my solution was to just sniff coke all day and mask my emotions so I could carry on as normal. But then she passed and I carried on, then my dad passed and I kept going and you get the picture until I lost everything.
So get to the point, try and talk to him. Don't make the topic directly his addiction because he will be carrying alot of guilt about it but make it more broad as to why does he think he gets on it? Ask things like does he know himself when the next binge is coming and if he was able to talk to you about it before it happend would it be easier to avoid?
I know he said he didn't enjoy CA and that's his choice to make but maybe try another class or even ask him to come on here and I will speak to him.
I thought CA was going to be full of addicts too but infact it was full of all sorts of people. Some people there have been sober for 10 + years but still spend their free time to go and sit and listen to others who need help. I remember the first time I went the man who was speaking pulled up in a fancy mercedes, was dressed in a suit and looked very successful which he now was but when he told his story I realized he had done things even I wouldn't of comprehend but it just shows that there is always a way out and a better life for people who are willing to try.
I really do hope that all made some sense and I really hope you're okay.
There was plenty of wives on here that I'm sure will get back to you soon also who are really supportive so please know you're not alone.