Ugh it’s so draining I’ve also done a drug test on him before he said it was faulty, it’s so embarrassing honestly. The first night he stayed out and relapsed his excuse was that he got arrested for having a light out whilst driving home from work lol, an addicts lie, shameful and embarrassing…
It’s turned me into a paranoid wreck, I question everything, I re go over things in my head I drain myself… it changes you completely doesn’t it.
Oh gosh the fact his brothers lost everything because of his addiction is terrible, addiction can run in families… and you know I have sympathy to an extent for people suffering with this disease but it doesn’t make it any easier to deal with does it? Loving an addict is the hardest thing ever.
I feel like I’m checking out too but I love him to death because he’s perfect when he’s straight and off of that shit, it’s like a reoccurring pattern and circle we’re stuck in again, but this time we’ve got a 2 year old in the middle of it. He’s out for nights on end and blames me says he can’t come home because of how abusive I am when he’s relapsed - which is lies I’ve tried every way of reacting nothing works, I can get angry be nice etc nothing works he’ll still stay out and be vile.
I know they can recover but the chances are slim and it seems that I have to accept this or move on. But the thought of leaving him devastates me for my sons sake.
It’s a shame we can’t keep in touch properly to support one another, I climb the walls and feel so alone when he’s out relapsing.
Take care xxx