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Thought things had changed.

Hi,

Some of you may know my previous posts, long story cut short. My partner was horrendous, used to lie and take cocaine behind my back all the time. To the point I left, got a one way abroad and was done. Then time passed, we eventually met up again and rekindle things, he was a changed man. Job, friends, social media etc and no drugs at all. He was clean and made a massive change as he knew I would never return otherwise. Fast forward some time I’m pregnant which I’m over the moon about as it’s everything I’ve always wanted and he will be an amazing father, he’s made it very clear he’s scared and has been drinking a little more recently and can you believe he’s actually taken that crap again, yes he’s come to me and told me about it so there’s no lies but how the hell do I go about this after him doing so well? I can’t even cope right now I feel like packing and going. I’m thinking because I’m pregnant he thinks he has some kind of hold on me. Which will never happen. Please some advise 😩 xxx

replying to SMarker

If I could do it all over again, I would have left as soon as I realized something was really wrong while pregnant with our first. Mine could have been an amazing husband/father for the next 5 years following, but he was really awful and absent.

replying to SMarker

I feel like that may be my only option, the last few days have been awful. We’ve hardly spoken and now he’s said I need to accept who he is, and that every now and then he may do it. I’m absolutely gob smacked, he’s gone out from work tonight so no doubt he’ll be on it. What the actual F is going on 😩

replying to SMarker

Hi - ok so the same thing happened to me, fast forward two years from being pregnant I’ve got a 2 year old, we’re back to square one he’s using drugs again on and off and it’s ruining my life, I’m stressed my sons stressed I’m so done. My advice would be run a mile ! They never change

1 reply

replying to SMarker

Hi - would totally agree and run a mile as harsh as that sounds - exactly the same happened to me and things went from bad to worse when I was pregnant after previously seeming (relatively) ok - he started taking more and more coke and disappearing/lying throughout my pregnancy - so stressful. Later I found out he had a lifelong drug problem which no one mentioned. Gave him another chance and 3 years later, we’ve had some good times but ended up back to square one. He has a really strong bond with our son which is amazing but I’ve now got to deal with the guilt of making him homeless as he’s out of control again and explaining to our son why daddy’s not here anymore, even typing that I just don’t know how I’m going to do it as feel terrible but just can’t cope any more. Good luck with whatever you decide, the most important things are you and the baby and you should be spending this time excited and making plans not stressing xxx

replying to fayzey

You sound exactly the same as me - I have had to kick him out on Friday night, I’m in a vicious cycle and my sons now 2 and he’s asking where daddy is every other week :( it’s so hard to deal with I completely sympathise with you - I feel terrible for kicking mine out as I know he’ll be sniffing even more drugs from the stress but I can’t physically take it anymore and I think he needs to realise what he’s doing, I’m so upset by it all it’s making me physically ill I’ve got a mouth full of ulcers and my skins horrendous my hairs falling out.

I’ve been giving him endless chances now for years, but why when he doesn’t come home and let’s me down again am I shocked? I feel like such an idiot

1 reply

replying to SMarker

It’s like a rollercoaster isn’t it - well done for kicking him out though it’s so hard. It’s so tempting just to get back to normal and everything’s great on the face of it but then it’s always there in the back of your mind when will they do it again…My partner just will not admit anything, the lies are the worst, I know he was doing it last night cos I could hear him sniffing and in the morning there were crumbs on the side, I said you need to go when he got up this morning and then he sends a long text apologising saying he’ll do anything blah blah so try to talk tonight and he’s back to denying it making out I’m imagining it all and it’s my fault he’s acting strange cos I haven’t been talking to him! He said so you think I’ve been acting normal today and I said yes and he started laughing - I think he’s just trying to mess with my head. I just said I give up he needs to go. I’ve tried like you over and over to sort things out for him and I’ve had enough. Unfortunately he hasn’t gone though he’s just in the conservatory staring out the window so not sure what’s going to happen I just want him to leave.

I know what you mean about making you ill I’ve not slept properly for the last 4 weeks just feel really run down.

xx

replying to fayzey

Ugh you are basically living my life, except mine doesn’t do it at home he runs and he blames me for not coming home, he went out on Friday to help his brother and never came home… still not home, and the texts I am receiving are narcissistic addict lies, blaming me, being vile - Coke blame talk, that I know so well. He forgets last week I picked him up after believing he’d changed for the 100th time and cared for him, gave him vitamins, Googled addiction counsellors, groups etc …. Why am I so naive and stupid I wish I didn’t fall for their lies, I just hold onto hope that he’ll change for our son… but he won’t

I’m sat in bed right now feeling so run down too, not knowing where he is or who he is with, this has happened many times.

I’m so over it, I hope you’re ok. We deserve better. Xx

replying to SMarker

Yes we definitely do! It’s horrible when they’re out and you don’t know what they’re doing or when/if they’ll come back. Mine used to do that and vanish - he went for a bike ride in lockdown an never came back for days I thought he’d been run over! Go to the shop and not come back etc, Think he’s staying in now cos he knows if he does that I’ll be changing the locks. They normally come back when they run out of money/drugs or want a nice place to stay I think. Do you show him the texts when he’s back to normal?

Well he’s having a lovely sleep downstairs, alright for some. I’ve helped time and time again like you and I’d probably do it again if he’d stop lying and get some help but not going to happen! So frustrating cos when he’s clean it’s great but I guess that’s how it should be all the time…Thing is we’ve got kids to look after and it’s like having another child but much worse! My friends think I’m mad. Here’s hoping for a good week for both of us next week xx

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