: Drugs, alcohol and mental health

Discuss the twin challenges of mental health and substance use

7 replies

Cant cope with husbands alcohol addiction

I love him but hate him at same time for what he is doing to our family

Noone knows as im too embarassed to tell anyone but its getting to the point where i want him to go as i am fed up of the constant lies

1 reply

replying to Primrose250

Hi Primrose

I’ve just logged in for the exact same reason. He lies and lies and I lie to other people to cover up for him. He’s a depressed drinker, and blamed everything else for years eg his arthritis. But he was so out of it, he refused treatment for months and we swallowed the story. He is essentially a very kind gentle man. Then I had breast cancer and he said he was not sleeping etcbecause of me. He was upset, because of me. He is a secretive drinker, and clever at it too. I was deceived big time. After my chemo I found a bottle under a car seat and it turned out that he was drinking like a fish and so I went thru treatment with a man who was very depressed, and appeared to have early dementia. He could barely think and his memory was awful. And he blamed it all on my cancer, the worry etc and pretends he wasn’t drinking.

The latest blow. Just found out that though he’s told us he’s stopped drinking, since late Feb, ( cutting down didn’t work) he has in fact continued to drink, but less.

I get so angry . It doesn’t help but my daughters and I believed him. It dates back more than 30 years. He is getting help for the first time, but I’m not.

My biggest problem is I’ve nobody to talk to about it, apart from my grown up daughters who live away.

I do hope somebody replies. If you know of any groups online eg Facebook please let me know. Thank you

1 reply

replying to Pat56

Ive decided to tell people because i couldnt bottle it up any longer and my boss has been very supportive even giving me some time off

Ive taken his keys off him so he wont drive

Hes 51 but his memory and confusion are terrible at the moment

replying to Primrose250

I cant see an end to it he cant handle the withdrwal so he drinks again

Hes the main wage earner but i cant see him holding his job down for much longer

Im asking him tomove back with his parents as i dont want my kids seeing him like this

replying to Primrose250

Pat and Primrose I'm in the same situation as you both

My husband used to drink 6 days a week and hold down a job

His drinking and a few other problems ended our maraige after 25 years

He moved away and came back after a while

I helped him sort out a new flat and he stopped drinking

He really is the most kind and thoughtful person when he isn't drinking

After a while we became close again and we re married

Just after this he started drinking again , but only at weekends ( what man doesn't is his war cry )

He usually gets really drunk after 1 or 2 glasses now and that's were all the vile things start to come out

I'm no angel and argue back

I honestly can bear it when he drinks

I can't go to family and friends as I'm embarrassed that I let myself get into this situation again

So I pretend all is ok

I hope both your situations improve

replying to Primrose250

Don't know how to edit this but that should have said can't bear it ,not can

replying to Primrose250

Came upon this post... I'm on the same boat. I have my oldest going to college out of state and I can't disrupt him leaving to college if I tell him I can't be married to his father anymore. We also have a 7 year old girl and loves her dad. I AM STUCK!

I just found out he's hiding the liquor but can't confront him. Like you, he will take it out on something else and smash it up. He binge drinks and "I only drink in the weekend" is his response. I thought he was the only person to use that exact line. Like said "war cry"

I'm glad I'm not alone, but no one is close enough for me to express it openly to.

I'm hoping someone can provide guidance because I'm an tired, stuck, frustrated, ashamed and all the horrible feelings tied to being married to an alcoholic in complete denial.

1 reply

replying to Primrose250

Just came upon this post. I am in the same situation with my husband, when he drinks and gets triggered by something he can say some really hurtful stuff, then when i mention it the next day it’s always I was drunk, I can’t remember. He has admitted to having a problem but not doing anything to stop. We have two young children.

replying to Nova1985

Nova = I answered this in 2018

Sad part... I am still with him.

My son graduated = his life went on like normal

My daughter.. She is now seeing and understanding much more.

Just wanted to let you know... It does not change.

We have clean months, and then we have horrible binging months.

THIS WAS A SIGN... Out of nowhere, this alert came up. I am back in the same place I was in 2018.

But worse now, unemployed and trying to figure out what to do.

I am not providing my daughter with the right example.

I need to let go

I wonder who else is still stuck in the same place from 2018

replying to Primrose250

Sorry you are still going through this and if this has brought up bad memories.

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