Talk about your experiences with others.

Posts by Amski12

joined

24 posts in 8 threads

Happening again by

I was the same, I withdrew myself never wanted to go out because I knew that was his opportunity, then same decided enough is enough it’s taken over his life it can’t consume mine too... You will get there and what you decide to do long term you know you’ve done your absolute best! I too feel it’s so nice to be able to bare all without any judgement, I’m quite fortunate to have very understand friends and family that are so so supportive and don’t judge, but it’s so helpful being on here like you said knowing you’re not alone is helping so much, it’s so sad there are so many People going through this... You will get there 100% you sound determined and driven! Try your best to keep positive and get yourself well - look after yourself and have an amazing holiday :) It sounds like your partner really is trying and like you said what will be will be we can’t control them and can only hope they can pull through it...

by Joemily

5 of 33 posts

Smack by

Can I ask why doesn’t she want NHS to know? It does kind of sound like an excuse not to get the help she needs... only You can make your decision however you have got to have boundaries, if she’s stealing from you then you need to consider if you can trust her at your place - I’m guessing not - I totally get you’ll feel somewhat responsible for her in the way she has nowhere to go etc (doesn’t she have family?) If she uses/ steals for her without facing consequences then you are enabling and what reason does she have to get clean? She’s getting the best of both worlds/ with regards to money for food is a massive no no... regardless of the amount... Get some boundaries in place and stick to them then go from there... if she excuses to get help the. You’ve got to think of yourself... Good luck to you and your partner I hope she gets the help she needs

1 of 4 posts

partners cocaine addiction by

Hi Georgia, I hope you’re ok? Is your BF open to ideas etc (this is where I really struggle) if he is is he active? Maybe suggest going out running/walking - maybe do it as a couple (I find running really helps me - however don’t get to go out as much anymore or at all) can be great for stress relief, so when the ex is giving you both a hard time take up some form of hobby as stress relief.. I’ve never understood people who use their children as weapons it’s so unfair especially on the kids (one thing I’d never ever do) Do you have other channels of support family/ friends you can talk to? These addictions are so so selfish and they don’t care about anything, but the person behind it does however sometimes doesn’t know how to put us first, I have no doubt in my mind that my BF hates himself with every inch of his being for what he’s doing to us... it’s taken me along long time to understand this - but I have to walk away till he takes full on action... Maybe take a day or so to yourself? X

by Hox

9 of 20 posts

I’m all out of ideas by

Hi, I think I am in the same position as you, while we’re kot married we’ve been together over 15yrs and have a house and 3 young children. He’s took recreationally since before we met but I think it started to become a problem around 6 years ago & has gotten much worse in the last 2 years... I am now at the point where he’s had to leave the family home (3months ago) and I have had to take a huge step back.. it’s a slow process but I genuinely think if he really wants to do it get help and live a better life he will ask for help (once he’s ready) unfortunately his family enable which makes it so much harder but as hard as it may be sometimes doing nothing - I mean nothing no picking up the pieces, or doing anything to enable them is the best thing you can do! And look after yourself first and foremost... When I read that you have to have boundaries and stick to them I always struggled with how to put a boundary in place and how to stick to it... I’ve learned my own ways things such as definitely no lying for him, and I will tell anyone of our friends and family the real problem, no giving money or paying bills or money for fuel etc etc... we’re going to lose our home but I am going to have to ride it out... my mental health was in tatters (which is why he had to go) and since I’ve took a step back I feel a lot better myself, i have the kids to think about too... The best bit of advice I can offer from My experience is look after yourself firstly! Talk to friends/family anyone you can do it really really does help... as for your husband he really does have to want the help, maybe see if he will go to some sort therapy?

1 of 3 posts

Am I doing the right thing? by

Hello, My partner (ex at the moment) is a cocaine addict, I don’t think I enable anymore I’ve asked him to leave the family home, I don’t really bother with him too much I still try to get him to support us (3 children) financially - however to be expected that doesn’t turn out too well! I have accepted we will lose our home and I have accepted I will have to rebuild our (mine and the children’s) lives myself, however I dont want to give up completely as I’ll feel like I’ve failed the children they deserve a dad and he’s a good one addiction aside! I think I know that if he managed to get sober he would be a great person again, since he’s moved back to his parents he’s gone backwards they enable him, they do everything for him, give him money, give him access to cash (via work) we have fallen out as I’ve spoke to them and explained what they shouldn’t really do and suggested talking to him - which they can’t seem to do! I just don’t know what to do - I know I can’t really do anything till he says he’s easy for help! He says he wants to get clean but I feel like it’s just words to keep me there.. there’s no proof or actions... I’m worried about his mental health and have been asking him to go to the doctors - which again says he will but never does.... I do think it’s time (and I am already doing) taking a step back but is it the right thing to do? What if something happened - overdose or suicide I’d feel guilty, could I have done more? This has been going on for a few years an I’ve been through all the motions with him, I’ve done the paying his debts, lending money etc etc and he doesn’t ask me anymore as he knows I will not do anything to aid his addiction or pick up after him! However his family do - I do feel a bit bad falling out with them but I’ve told them firsthand how hat he will do with money and how to try to be with him, how he will lie and manipulate- he right now is not the same person he was

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