Talk about your experiences with others.

Posts by Ash2013


104 posts in 27 threads

Am I imagining it? by

Hi Kezmundo, The thing is, when you've been around it before, you know, you just know. You still need concrete proof (test/swipes) but you already knew didnt you. Its actually quite easy for the partners to see slight changes, that they themselves don't ever see. I can even tell by my husbands text message tone (because he's uses a slightly different language), they lack appetite - thats an easy one to spot if you cook for him etc etc. My husband is 8 months clean after 20+ years of first recreational, then daily use, with breaks here and there. I'm constantly on edge still. Certain people he occasionally sees trigger worry in me, but I have to trust him. Like Lemony says, they have to want to stop themselves, nothing you or his kids can do/say will change that it he's not bought in, or doesnt see it as a problem. Sending hugs xx

1 of 5 posts

Cocaine, gambling and debt by

Hi! I didnt want to read and run. My husband is a recovering cocaine addict. He's into his 8th month clean now. But for years and years, as long as I can remember cocaine has been a problem in my marriage. What do you want to do? You are not responsible for him. What is his current status? Is he still using? My husband stopped drinking too, as he isnt really able to do one without the other. He doesnt have an off switch, so he did drink to get drunk, as opposed to just having one or 2. You aren't alone xx

1 of 2 posts

My heart is broken again, 12 years of an addicted son by

Oh my, I feel so sad reading your words. I know exactly how you are feeling, if only there was a way to detach. There isn't an easy way out of this. I wanted so many times to 'get on with my life and let my cocaine addict husband do what he wants and not let it bother me', but how can you sit back and let someone destroy themselves right. Fact is - you have to, for YOUR own sanity, you have to detach. You can be there for support if/when he stops, but just don't put yourself through it. Sending massive hugs, nobody deserves to go through what you are, you are stronger than you think, but dont let him take all your happiness away. Yes, you are his mother, but first and foremost, you are you. Please don't let him define you. xx

by Kate1

1 of 36 posts

Any advice please by

Hi Whiteheather, Welcome, and well done for posting. It takes guts! Firstly, do not blame yourself, short of keeping him in for all his life, you cannot ever imagine this will happen to you or him. Its not your fault. Unfortunately, what starts out for a lot of people as a recreational drug every now and then at a party, for some, it turns into this. Cocaine is a sly drug that reels you in without you really realising, until you are dependent on it to feel normal, or what you believe to be normal. Has he ever admitted that its a problem? Unless he admits it is an issue there is little you can do. Sending hugs x

by BT1978

1 of 11 posts

Advice please by

Hi Jo, BT is right, cocaine makes you incredibly selfish in all aspects, it also can stir up aggression. He wont be thinking of anybody else in any of this. In fact sorry to say, but the fact your father has passed away to him, will just be an excuse to use and have a reason. I used to joke that my husband just needed the day to end in a Y to have an excuse, its as simple as that. Blocking his number will give him a reason to kick off and moan about you doing that to your mum, if I was you, I would just ignore his calls, or get your partner to answer the phone. You are right to be worried about the funeral, in my experience, he could possibly start an argument, be an idiot, embarrass the family. The best thing you can do is remain calm, try to act totally normal to him, dont give him any looks or say anything, much as you may want to. Dont give him cause. I'm sure he wont kick off in front of your mum anyway, it sounds like he's playing the victim to her. Stay strong, take all the hugs you can get, stay level headed and always remember, his actions are NOT your problem or your fault. x

2 of 6 posts

Husband & Cocaine / Alcohol by

Hi Kaza, My husband is 6 months clean from Coke, and also doesnt drink now either, as they tend to go hand in hand for him. I'm always worrying about a fall back, last year he stopped for a good number of months, and then started again, I could see the stressful situation coming, and boom, there it was, a couple of lines once or twice a week, and after 6 weeks, back to every day and an absent husband/father. I'm holding on the hope that one time he'll stop for good. He seems in a good place right now, and very negative towards friends who do it still. I never left my husband, so I wouldnt tell anyone to leave, unless they were in danger of course. But i'm sure you have to get to a point where enough is enough right. His problem isn't your problem, thats correct, however his problem is making a problem for you, and that isnt fair. He isnt showing the same empathy to you as you are to him. Marriage is about compromise, but when you are married to an addict, you do all the compromising and they seem to do what they like, even though i'm sure they'd protest different, haha. Have a read of my old threads, my husband has been on coke most of our 15 year relationship, with some breaks, some longer than others. The good the bad and the ugly you'll read from my posts. I'm in a good place right now, but the fear of a relapse never leaves, and I still choose my words carefully, and think about his reaction before speaking, even though now, I dont need to! xx

by KazA

2 of 14 posts

Shocked and feeling sad by

Naivety is nice, I wish I didn't know what I know now. Because that would mean I hadn't gone through all the crap I have ;-) Keep him busy, but not soo busy he has too much stress. Not drinking will help too, alcohol will drop his guard. His conscious mind will not be fully in control if he drinks, and it would be easy to slip up. Unless you plan to watch him like a hawk if he has a few beers.... which is exhausting I can tell you. Plus alcohol is a depressant, so that added to the fact he's recovering so is potentially 'down' would be a recipe for disaster. You're doing well, keep smiling x

by Kklost

13 of 85 posts

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