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Hi Poppy1234, How have the past couple of weeks been? I'm married to a recovering coke addict, he is clean from alcohol and coke for over 2 years, if I can offer some help I will. Feel free to ask anything. Take care of yourself x

Welcome to the rollercoaster world of life with a cocaine addict. You don't know from one day to the next what they'll be like, you dont know what you can say without making them angry, you can't be you anymore, you dont know how to be :( I'm so sorry you are going through this, i'm sorry for everyone going through this. I wish I knew what to say to make everyone magically able to know how to cope with existing in this chaos x

Thanks Dan :)

Hi Georgia, Reading your reply just brought it all back to me, I'm so sad that anyone has to go through the rollercoaster of life that is with a coke addict. Everything from the clock watching, checking his car, looking in his pockets, testing him in secret, sitting up until god know what time waiting for him to come home, getting texts at 1am saying 'I'm getting a taxi now' never to turn up at home, then when they do come home you're over reacting every time you make any reference to their absence, tip toeing around them when they're sleeping most of the day, basically being a single parent but this pain thrown at you all the time, its such an awful existence. My child aged 2, saw her dad throwing things around the house because he was convinced I was cheating, but in fact he was, with someone who did coke and accepted it, unlike me. He was obsessed, it was like he did actually believe his messed up thought process. It wasnt even like deflection, he actually thought it, and I would never have cheated, christ, I didnt have the energy and it was the last thing from my mind. I'm not going to tell you to end it, but if I had my time again, I'd wouldn't have stuck around. You only get one life darling, and YOU deserve to live it, and not just exist. Take care of yourself xx

Hi, I didnt want to read and run, because you have been so brave posting! There are people on here better placed to answer, rather than partners of addicts (my husband was a coke addict) But it is possible to stop, with support of your family, a change in lifestyle and determination. My husband is late 40's and used for about 20 years on and off, mostly on, started socially then got a grip on him. He was also using diazepam, so and upper and a downer, along with alcohol, which is a trigger. I can't tell you why he stopped really, I'd like to think it was because of how he could see it affecting those around him, but its more likely to be the fact his nose was/is damaged and if it collapsed, his parents would know what he'd been doing. There is a Bliss and Eso song called Devil on my shoulder, my husband listened to it a lot in the early days of recovery. You need to keep yourself busy with clean friends, avoid alcohol, eat well etc. Do you have a good support network?

Its the hardest position to be in, all sorts will be going through your head. Does he hate me? Why is he like this? I just want him to be normal again I'm scared of my own husband How should I be, how should I act/react? One day one of his mates (I am good friends with the wife) told him he was a 'poor husband and a bad father' well, that was 5 years ago, and my husband has not spoken to him since. He was both those things, but someone telling him really made him angry. I will never understand why they cannot see what EVERYONE else can. (everyone except other coke heads!) And because they're not spaced out or comatose or falling all over the place, I think its even harder for us to grasp why they are so different toward us. I think you need to think of his brain as it having a meltdown, but you cannot see it, its not as visible as other addictions, they can easily pretend. I dont know what your home situation is, I can't remember, but get the hell out of this, and don't look back. xx

Hi, I don't know what you are going through, but do not feel bad for how you feel. You went through hell with the man you loved, I'm sure that you tried your absolute best and you were helpless to stop him. Addiction in any form is awful for the person, but equally as upsetting for the family around them. Take comfort in the fact you did what you could, and i'm sure you protected your kids as best you could. Sending hugs x

It sounds awful and she obviously needs help, but you can't help her when she's like this. She needs professional help, someone who is detached from her and knows what they are doing. Coke is only going to make her issues even worse, it messes with the neurotransmitters in your brain, and if she already had mental health issues this will be even worse. I'd go so far as to suggest that she needs sectioning, please get some professional advice yourself. Icarus are really good :)

Btw - mine was using cocaine, alcohol, and diazepam (the latter to hide the first from me) except I still knew, you just know. Oh and another sleeping aid prescribed by the dr! If he's using all that too, no detox shampoo is going to help him! They possibly reduce levels shown, but not totally. x

Oh Littlehappy, please try not to let his actions define you. I know this is easier said than done, I've been where you are and you feel helpless, mugged off, and utter sadness. You are better than this, he might look like the life and soul, and you might look like the bore (to his so called friends) but you are not and neither is he! He's not the person you once knew, he'll gravitate to like minded drinkers or coke users, it doesnt matter that before he'd never socialise with them, now he'll socialise with anyone who is on his level, a messed up level, a level that you never want to be at. When my husband used to be like this, I researched cocaine psychosis, and I truly believe my husband had that. He looked at me with hatred, the drug hated me for trying to help him, and he was now that drug, it had consumed him, and turned him into someone I did not recognise. I saw photos on my phone the other day of him at our childs graduation from nursery school, and the angst on his face is clear to see. He wanted to be there, but he didnt want to be there, he was so messed up. Never, ever, blame yourself. Nothing you have done has made him like this. He's an adult and you can't fix him, so you need to look after yourself, and your girls and do whatever you need to to start again, find happiness and start to LIVE again, instead of the existence you have at present. Sending much love x