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Posts by B8988

joined

121 posts in 29 threads

4 week clean today from cocaine by

Ahh bluebell that is sad. Maybe when it’s all final you’ll begin to feel better. I would suggest he is still using, as when my husband had 6 months clean his personality almost went back to normal, so if your husbands hasn’t it would suggest he is. Basically I’ve started to look at it like this, why would I want to be in a relationship where I’m not number 1 priority? It’s a not normal relationship being married to a drug addict, I was thinking before, most people leave normal people for things like lying, being abusive, cheating, being manipulative, being lazy, moody etc. We have to put up with nearly all of those things when you’re with an addict, but are supposed to accept it because it’s an illness. It’s bloody exhausting and debilitating.

by Danman83

6 of 26 posts

Struggling by

Try not to worry danman83- the 12 step program teaches you not to worry about the future and just take each day as it comes, each clean day is progress. Admit you are powerless over your addiction. Maybe try a group meeting like Narcotics anonymous for extra support on staying clean. Quitting is the easy bit, it’s staying stopped. Oh and have a relapse provention plan, my hubby would say “ I’m not gonna use again, or I don’t want to think about using” Then when it happened he’d hit it hard again and we’re back to square one.

by

5 of 58 posts

What do I tell my kids? by

I’m going through this with my husband, I’ve finally split with him, as he’s just not getting better. He’s had more chances than anyone I know and regardless of where he goes or how much trouble he’s got into because of coke, he downplays everything and carries on regardless. So much more I could say, but I’d be here all day lol. I was forced to tell my children the truth, last year when I threw him out as he was using in our house, they’d gone from having a fab, consistent dad in their life to him not being here and acting recklessly. I told them the truth that he was unwell as he takes drugs and mum can’t allow dad to do that. My kids were 16,12,10 and 7 at the time and I was pregnant. My 7 year old son took it hard, he loved his dad to bits. But unfortunately they get used to being let down and although his behaviour affects me still greatly the kids are almost immune to it. They think he’s an idiot most of the time. The only good thing to come out of this is hopefully it’s put my kids off ever touching drugs as they’ve seen the devastation they cause. I suggest if you want to try to begin to rebuild your life so that it stops hurting your kids you seek help ASAP, keep turning up to groups, don’t use excuses to not go. That’s what my husband did and that’s why I’ve left him. I don’t mind that he has a drug problem I mind that he doesn’t seem committed to want to ever do anything about it. I wish you luck.

by Hox

1 of 4 posts

I’ve left my husband by

Haha I’m Bev, I feel ok today. I feel sorry for him in a way as I couldn’t think of why anyone would choose to live like he is. He’s lost everything and he had a lot! I don’t know, I think he may of had pills as maybe he couldn’t get coke or couldn’t afford it? As usually he has sniffles the next day but didn’t, that’s more worrying in a way as has he got to the point where he just feels the need to take anything now, when he’s bored or feeling crap? He used to have a opiate addiction too to prescription drugs, and codeine. But he managed to get off that eventually, maybe he just likes feeling out of it. So odd though as he never touched a drug til he was in his 30’s, well dabbled a bit as a teen but never was really fussed by drugs.

Using cocaine in the house. by

I outed my husband too publicly on fb. That was after I found out he’d began messaging other women last year whilst I threw him out. In his head he said “ stuff her, I’m a good looking bloke I can get with anyone I want” type of thing! He seen everything as being my fault! He went round telling everyone I was abusive and I’d hit him with a cup bevause he had a fb account, which were all lies!! I threw him out because he was caught using coke in our house with my kids in it! This is so unlike my husband, I guess it gives them false confidence and generally makes them assholes!!! You’re right though, it’s so annoying as like you I do the same, I separate his bad behaviour from the drugs, when I know the only reason he’s doing all these awful things is because he’s a drug addict! If there was no drugs there would be no problems. I feel I have every right to be mad with my husband and not want a life withdrugs, but I feel that I can’t say anything to him as I’m worried incase I make him worse and he chooses drugs over us! I just want him to come to his senses! I’ve secretly wished that I’d just fall out of love with him. If I was given a magic wand it would be to stop loving him so that I could be free from all of this. I always feel sorry for myself too like “how can this be happening to my perfect family?” I look at normal families and normal men and wish he could be like one of them. One day everything will work out one way or another won’t it? It’s the most awful disease though.

by

15 of 39 posts

Despair by

My husband hid his cocaine addiction from me for 5 years. His life has dramatically changed, he’s lost everything from that crap! His job, his self respect, his morals he’s up to his eyes in debt and now has a criminal record for taking someone’s car and driving it intoxicated to fetch more coke! He still has me and the kids for now, although I’ve sent him to live 3 hours away with his mum. I’m still working at getting him clean but if he decides he doesn’t want to I’ll have no choice but to end things completely. Only time will tell. I was strict in the beginning and I used to throw him out, threaten to leave and it just made his behaviour worse. Now if I’m nice he seems more willing to look at getting clean. However in the past when his use was more frequent like 4 days a week he was vile! It wouldn’t have mattered if I was nice or horrible, so what I’m trying to say is that there is nothing you can do I’m sorry to say. I wouldn’t be enabling him with money or letting him stay at yours if he gets to that point, however I realise that he’s your son and it’s much tougher when it’s your kids. Or maybe make sure he’s safe but that’s it! Apparently they have to think that the drugs are causing more harm using than not. Unfortunately I think it takes a lot for them to get to that point!

by Danman83

1 of 16 posts

Coke addiction by

Adamuk- omg you sound like my husband. He’s been an addict for prob 5 years although I only discovered the full extent in Feb last year. He never thought it was an issue. But he says the first two lines are nice but after that he just feels ill now, but each time you kid yourself that this time it will be different but it never is. He doesn’t drink with his, he uses alcohol when the anxiety of the coke kicks in as he does too much. He said in the beginning it was different and now it’s not fun. He said all the problems you have in your head straight seem to resurface when you go off on one now. He lost his job last year too for refusing a drug test, that was my fault apparently for telling everyone he was a cocaine addict. He said it got back to his boss somehow. I ignore majority of what he says because everything is usually everyone else’s fault. Annoyingly enough he had 6 months clean in the summer and his old personality was nearly back to predrug days. It was amazing! Then he relapsed. He did that by me sending him 3 hours away from us to stay with his mum, he said missing me and the kids was horrendous and the focus was to do anything in his power to come back to us and that over rid the need for drugs. He’s been sent away again now but this time it will be for even longer, I need him to try to rebuild his life on his own, I can’t take the risk of it all happening again. He’s missing us like crazy again and attending daily N.A meetings, I check up on him ;) so far so good. Go get all the help you can, you only get one life and it’s such a waste!

by georgia26

4 of 27 posts

Any one with a coke problem? by

Think there are a tick box of so many questions. Have you told yourself you will stop but won’t? Is it causing problems in your relationship or at work? Do you use more than you did when you started? Do you use alone? Do you have to use all that you buy? You can’t keep any leftover. Have you been in trouble with the police through your usage? Are you experiencing financial trouble? etc etc, my husband started off only having a few but nearly all of the questions he can tick now. That’s why he had trouble accepting he was an addict, he thought an addict used everyday or used more like heroin or crack! My husband only tried it once at a football match in his 30’s he was practically teetotal before that. He only used to use alone when we were in bed as he wasn’t a drinker. My husband uses coke without alcohol, but then has to have alcohol to stop the anxiety caused from sniffing too much, otherwise he will be up all night. My husband uses day and night sometimes when he uses, not every day, at his worse it was 4 times a week and then his personality was awful!

Wife of an addict by

It’s awful, people say leave. But it’s not that simple. I’m in love with my husband but hate the illness that is addiction. I suppose it’s like being married to someone with dementia, they do all sorts due to their illness, become aggressive, say and do hurtful things but no one would say to leave someone with dementia would they? People think it’s a choice, I mean initially I guess it was but I suppose they’d never choose to become an addict would they? I know my husband loves me, in fact he’s always been borderline obsessed with me, maybe I was another addiction of his. But I guess as time moves on and the addiction takes more of a hold they just accept that they can’t control it and carry on with self destruct. They probably see us either as being the one at fault or accept that drugs and us can’t be so accept that and try to move on. My husband laughs when I suggest that’s what he’s doing as he said that would be logically thinking and on drugs you don’t logically think or plan. Maybe he’s right, I mean you just don’t care about anyone or anything on coke so don’t take it personally. I just found a good site this explains the lies from an ex addict. https://www.addictioncampuses.com/blog/5-lies-i-told-in-active-addiction/

by Hox

2 of 11 posts

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