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Posts by Bunnyblue

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2 posts in 2 threads

How to deal with addiction stereotype within the family by

I could be wrong. But it’s possible the answer may come from viewing things from a different angle. Ask yourself why your wife is still angry. My husbands sister was a drug user and alcoholic. She now only drinks as far as I know. As the wife I have in the past been resentful that he seems to forget all the things his sister has done, including putting the health of our children at risk. I just want him to still remember as I do , because I feel he is handing her the “ get out of jail free card !” She was a terrible mother and the lasting effects of that will live on long after she’s gone. I feel I try so hard to be the best mom the best wife and all I crave is love and respect in return. Maybe your wife sees you giving love and sympathy to someone who she feels has caused pain, undermines people who are able to give unselfishly. I make the point ABLE, as addicts are not able their focus sadly drags them somewhere else. What helps me is when he acknowleges what she has put her family through.That her weaknesses aren’t a excuse they are just a fact. That he is thankful neither he or myself will ever walk that path.Then I feel as if he’s is not forgetting , only forgiving. Maybe just maybe, she wants you to forgive but not forget. Explain to her that forgiving your sister is for you, so your soul can heal. Forgiving doesn’t wipe the slate clean of old events it clears a path for the future. Your future. It’s the only thing your sister can now give you ...peace. That is what the sister beneath the addition would want for you. Your as human as she was. You can be angry, sad, resentful all without guilt. Dwell on the good memories even if they are sparse. When your sad remember life is a journey, a path with many corners that will hold both sadness and happiness. Just keep on putting one foot in front of each other and your happy corners will come ! Please remember if I am completely off base with the above it is sent with the best intentions and good wishes. Take care, stay strong.

1 of 6 posts

Is it me? by

I’m the daughter of an alcoholic mother. Sadly as I child I didn’t understand to what extent alcoholics lied for their own selfish ends. So when I was told repeatedly (both when she was drunk or sober) that it was all my fault, I believed her. I’d ask my dad was it true you wanted a son ( I was 3 rd girl ) he’d say “ I can not tell a lie....yes it would have been nice”. I took this as confirmation, IT WAS ALL MY FAULT! My mom said he hated her and the fighting/arguments were because she hadn’t given him a son. Lie. They fought because she was a binge drinker. But I didn’t realise this until I’d left childhood well behind. I hated my dad during those years. I spent many years following guilt ridden trying to fruitlessly make him proud of me to make up for it. A massively critical dad ( who to this day admits he wishes I’d been a boy) made this an impossible task, which in the past 5 years I have given up on ( I’m 56!). My childhood was confusing, frightening and emotionally crushing and has left me feeling totally worthless. So what did I do? I marry a drinker who I believe when they say once they are married they will quit. 30 years later after so many lies and being manipulated into believing it’s all my fault, I’m done.I see no hope, no future. My beautiful children have left home (I’ve had joy in my life from them for 25 years). There is still a voice that no matter how hard I try to reason with, that will not stop telling me I am defective, mentally unbalanced and to blame in some way for my husbands drinking. That voice has a partner in crime in the form of my husband who resents the love our children give me and puts me down endlessly. I have fought for years not to drown in the sea of dispair. So desperately wanting it all to end but conscious of how the easy way out would affect my children. My mother had made 3 suicide attempts when I was 7, 10 and 12 ( timed she confessed recently so I’d get home in time from school to get help) . I’m ashamed at how I’m moaning but feel lighter for my winge. It’s happened, move on. I can’t because it’s the endless lies and manipulation I’m still embroiled in. How can any human being be such a selfish, manipulative and proficient liar. How can the love and support of their family not be enough. What drives them to destroy other people’s lives. And how could I let history repeat its self?