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Posts by Cali111


30 posts in 13 threads

Is he using cocaine ? Denial by

It sounds like he is absolutely using cocaine. They always deny. My husband would always be up down and around happy sad angry depressed and I found out he was abusing cocaine. In the same breath he admitted to using it “he was already done with it” then would later admit it was out of hand after that. They can’t tell the truth about anything. My husband hid it from me “cause I would overreact”. He lied, cheated, spent all our money and left me. It’s been about 5 months and after a lot of therapy and self care I am at a much better place. A life full of all that is not a life I want to live. It will be undeniable the longer this goes on for you. Tough when you’re the only one who sees it too. Sending love. You are not alone. Xo

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I'm absolutely ripped apart by

My husband who left me for another woman (he only admits this some of the time - but I have to remember I’m not an idiot this is what’s going on) also claims to be off coke now. But nothing he does makes sense. They are such liars. You do not deserve this life there is something much better out there as heartbreaking as this all is. I’m so sorry she’s done you real dirty and is just a user and abuser. Please try and do some self healing. I’ve read a book called “the untethered soul” that has been helpful. As well as therapy. I’m also on anxiety medication that I believe has helped me. They don’t see what we go through. My husband barely sees that he’s done anything wrong. My therapist reminds me that exiting a marriage with lying, cheating, and drug use is not normal. Praying for you and please take care.

Am I crazy? by

Girl, you are NOT crazy. The drugs have his brain completely messed up. The things addicts rationalize in their minds will not make sense to sober and clear minded humans! My husband (separated) has not taken accountability for using drugs behind my back, talking to other women, living a double life. He blamed it on our “unhappy” marriage which was news to me. They will never see anything as their fault. Always you or an excuse. You don’t want to be involved with someone abusing drugs like this. It is not healthy! Please take this opportunity to think about what you deserve and want in a loving relationship. I know it’s hard to deal with and I found not a lot of people understand aside from members of this amazing forum. Don’t take the manipulation cause you’re right that’s exactly what he’s doing. It’s good that you can already see that cause it took me a long time. Take care and always here xo

Anyone relate tho these addiction behaviours by

My “husband” (separated now) is always telling me I’m making stuff up… things he’s said about me, drugs, anything. These horrible things are engraved in my mind and his response is I NEVER SAID THAT! I don’t know where you’re getting that from! I’m not even arguing with you on that one! It never happened! They make you think you’re crazy and it takes a big toll on your mental health. I’ve been listening to this podcast called “love over addiction” (you can just google it) it’s been helping me a lot. Take care of yourself - you are what’s important and it’s up to us to grow from all this. Xo

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Found out he’s an addict by

When I told my husbands parents about the coke problem, they said “he seems fine when we talk to him”. It is so easy to hide this addiction unless you literally are in a relationship or live with the person. My husband has got everyone convinced he’s got no problem and he was sooo unhappy in our marriage and that was the only problem. Even though until the drugs came along he was “obsessed with me” and “loved me more than anything”. I know deep down he cheated (I found messages, he’s now admitted his with this woman). I think he is so ashamed of everything he’s done on this drug that he’s run away from it all. He sleeps on a friends couch now. Left me and all our wonderful hopes and dreams. It’s really sad. He’s convinced our friends that I’m a liar basically. It’s really really hard. I have grown more than I have in these 4 months than I have in my entire life though. Please reach out if you need anything, I check the site almost every day still for support and just reading others stories helps me to remember the reality of the situation

by Esta

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Feeling the devastation by

Heartbroken88, I feel for you a lot. Aside from children, our stories sound pretty much identical. It truly is grief that’s what I’ve been going through for months now, mourning the loss of my marriage and who my husband used to be. He was the most amazing person. I found out in April that he was secretly doing cocaine since December. I would have never known had I not found messages on our computer about it. I had no idea why he was acting the way he was and not coming home and just literally not making sense. Nothing will make sense when cocaine is involved. If done research and read on here for months and it’s helped me to understand the situation a bit better but does not make it any easier. I never know which him I’m going to get. He went from just cold and mean and blaming me for an ‘unhappy marriage’ (even though before the coke he would tell me weekly that he was happy and loved me more than anything). He met new single friends and started partying all the time. In between then and now I’ve gotten a jerk, too an overly happy guy that he just soooo happy with his new life, to a guy who could barely speak he looked so depressed, to crying, to then a phone call after one of my friends called him out on everything he’s done to me (leaving me with no money and talking to other women and drugs) he screamed at me said he was getting lawyers and this wnd that all while I was having a panic attack at work. After this I blocked him and since he has been trying to contact me all the time. He showed up at the apartment and hugged me, asked me a million questions about my life (like every time now) said it was so good to see you, hugged me again. He never makes sense. Says he “can’t remember the last time he did coke” but I can’t believe anything he says. He needs help. I just don’t think these guys can do it on their own without at least taking accountability and admitting they have a problem. Mine said it got out of hand for a while… literally in the time frame he left me.. but also said that had nothing to do with him leaving. Come on these things are not just coincidence. If you’re able to talk to a therapist that helps me a lot, along with talking to my family and best friends daily. Talking about it helps. I’m so sorry you’re going through this but we have to remind ourselves the cocaine life is not the life we want to live. Anything you can do for yourself please do. Xoxo

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Does Cocaine & Alcohol Totally Change a Person To The Point Of No Return? by

How are you doing? Did you just find out about the drugs 4 months ago? My entire world has been flipped and he thinks this is normal… complete different person than the one I married :’( I don’t know how I’m going to get over this… waking up every day is the hardest I need to come to this site to remind myself of everyone’s advice every morning. Even saw my doctor yesterday and she said that he is mentally and emotionally abusing me. He would NEVER see it that way. Who is this demon. My old husband would be ashamed. This new guy likes this version. Makes me want to throw up.

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Cocaine husband I need some advice :-( by

My husband too seems to have vanished before my eyes :( one day he loves me and is obsessed with me and then a couple weeks later won’t come home anymore and doesn’t plan to. Right after I found out about the cocaine use. I never would have imagined any of this I would be laughing if last year you told me this would be my life cause no way. Have things gotten better for you? My husband still stands by saying he’s only used it a couple times but he’s a complete different person. Just hoping that if he can’t get better that at least I can.

My boyfriend is addicted to cocaine, how do I help him? by

Oh my gosh your story sounds so much like mine. I too was just so stunned that a couple weeks prior to finding out about my husbands drug use (he stopped coming home, turned into a complete monster with no emotion towards me - I found a text message which said he was using cocaine in this time) he was professing his undying love to me and taking about our future family. Then poof just gone. All within a couple weeks. He said HOW DIDNT YOU SEE THIS COMING? I was just shocked. It’s now been 2.5 months since he left… and he has no plans of coming back. He is a complete different person. And I get so confused as he can act normal on the phone but I have to remember what those last few weeks were like when he was here… why would he have stopped now. And has not owned up to anything. We had an amazing life. How are you coping? And have you heard from him since? I did not see this coming and am still trying to fathom this is what has happened to our previous life. Xo

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My husband left a week after I found out about his cocaine use by

I know it is probably impossible to find the answers I’m looking for but I find myself constantly searching. We had a very happy marriage and never would I have believed my husband would ever touch a drug. After starting a new job with a guy who he now refers to as a “narcissistic drug addict” I found out he had been hiding this “occasional” cocaine use from me for 5 months. It was in the couple weeks before I found out that I think it got really bad. He stopped coming home and was basically hiding from me. I hadn’t done anything but he blamed me said he needed space. He was so mean. Said he just didn’t care about my feelings anymore. So I left for the weekend to a friends only to find out he went out of town to party and do coke all weekend. He doesn’t even remember admitting to me that he used for 5 months. He doesn’t remember the simplest things anymore. He’s just gone off and started a new life in the matter of weeks between confessing his undying love for me to leaving the house for good. I think he is ashamed of what he’s done. I think he cheated and obviously has lied a million times. I just don’t understand how someone can walk out on their life like that. We had so many goals and plans and they were instantly just torn away. I never knew cocaine could take a hold like this on someone. Well I assume that’s what it is as he is a total different person and can’t even look at me anymore. Just trying to get through my school right now and take it day by day I guess… what do you do when your entire future has just vanished before your eyes? I’m sure many of you can relate… peace and love to all xox

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