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Posts by Charly1

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2 posts in 2 threads

Partner cheating and taking coke by

I read your post and can totally relate. I found out my ex was cheating on me when my son was 4 months old. He had been texting the other woman at 7am while he was sober to arrange to meet her for sex late afternoon. When I confronted him about the messages he told me it was because he knew he would be taking coke later that day and it makes him horny! He told me he had a problem, and that he needed me, he cried, made promises he would get help but less than a month later he told me he didn't need help cuz he doesn't have a problem and it was all my fault he cheated cuz I had pushed him away. We are now 2 years on, and he has absolutely no remorse, he always admits he has a problem with coke when he wants to move back in, makes all the promises to get help and within less than 2 weeks, same scenario. He moved out 2 years ago now and his addiction has definitely got worse, he doesn't have anywhere to live and he says he can't afford a flat, he earns a decent wage so unknown he could afford a place but cocaine is clearly his priority. I still love him and if he accepted help I would have him back in a heartbeat but until he is willing to own up to his problem and do something about it, there's nothing more I can do. I feel better in myself since we split because I'm no longer dealing with the moods, the lies, the temper on a daily basis. It got to a point where I was living in fear because he became so hostile and unpredictable. I was constantly walking on eggshells and couldn't sleep, it affected by mental health and I started suffering with anxiety and depression. While I feel better in myself most days, I still constantly worry about him, and I don't trust him to have our son unsupervised as he thinks nothing of turning up to see our son under the influence of drugs. It's a difficult balance and I really don't know how to move on from it all.

1 of 3 posts

My child's father has a cocaine addiction by

I was in a 10 year relationship with my ex partner and our relationship broke down following the birth of our son when I discovered he had a cocaine addiction. I spent 12 months trying to encourage him to seek support, which he refused, I eventually gave him an ultimatum to either get help or move out. He chose to move out. His addiction seems to have worsened since he moved out, he has been sofa surfing for 2 years so he now has no financial responsibilities such as rent or bills etc so pretty much all of his earnings go on drugs. I have been trying to keep things amicable for our child's sake and have not stopped him having contact with our child. I have tried to put conditions in place around contact such as at home drug testing, he would come to our home to see our child as he doesn't have his own place.(we still have a joint mortgage but he no longer contributes financially). I found out he was using cocaine while our child was in his care, he has turned up to see our child while under the influence of cocaine and on another occasion he also left a bag of cocaine lying around so I have had to stop him from coming to the house. I have tried to deal with it all very informally up until this point as I wanted to avoid having to go through the courts but I really don't know what to for the best. I don't want to stop my child from seeing his dad so I have tried to arrange supervised visits at his grandparents house. I have been very clear about my expectations that he doesn't take our child out any where alone as I don't trust him not to take drugs while my child is in his care, but I have found out that his parents have let him take him to the park alone on more than one occasion. I just don't know what to do anymore I really don't want to stop contact but feel like I am running out of options. I have begged and pleaded with him to sort himself out for our child's sake but it just makes him more hostile and angry towards me. Anyone have similar experiences or advice?

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