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Posts by Daisy5

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2 posts in 2 threads

My fiancé’s addiction to cocaine by

Liberty, I am in awe at your mindset and strength. Sometimes I wish I could reach this point of acceptance and distance myself from the situation when it happens, but it is so difficult in practice. Ultimately, so many people on this forum are in the same position in their relationships but they don’t want to walk away, so I guess the only alternative is the acceptance you describe. How do you know that you can trust him? I’ve found messages on my husbands phone to other women, calls from suspect numbers (when I’ve googled them), and this is what plays on my mind the most. It’s perhaps one thing to accept the drug taking behaviour but it’s difficult to accept the other behaviours that go with it. Take care, and thank you for what you wrote - it’s really helpful.

1 of 10 posts

My husband and cocaine by

Here goes... My husband of 2 years has a problem with cocaine, and associated challenges with stress/ anxiety/ low mood. The drugs have been going on for around 4 years that I know of, but I suspect longer. We’ve been together for 8 years. I feel like we live in a constant cycle of: stress/ anxiety > night out drinking with friends > drugs > regret/ remorse/ convinces himself it won’t happen again > We discuss the triggers and problems, make plans to ensure it doesn’t happen again > abstains from alcohol (the main trigger - he has never taken drugs without being drunk. The longest has been 6 months) > He starts to feel like he’s in control again, he can go out with his friends > Stress builds/ arranges to go out with friends and we’re back in the cycle. I do believe he wants to make a change and the day after he’s open to getting professional help but then convinces himself he can manage it himself. We make good headway and then we find ourselves in the same position. We went through a time where it was happening almost monthly, but this year it’s happened 3 times. He tells me he’s trying and this is progress but ‘1 more time’ is 1 too many in my eyes. I feel like I’m fully supportive but, after years and years of this cycle, I am tired. I don’t want to live my life like this. The worry and anxiety. The panic I have when he’s out with his friends and I don’t hear from him, I can’t sleep with worry. I’m terrified the police will knock on my door to deliver the worst news, or I’ll find him passed out in our bathroom. I don’t know what we need to do to kick the habit once and for all. I cling to the hope we can but then we’re still here... Does he need professional help? What can I do to help him? I have never spoken about this to anyone and I’m thinking perhaps I too could benefit from professional advice (my own mental health is good, I am fortunate to have no other concerns or challenges personally, my stress and worry is all for my husband). Thank you, it’s good to get this off my chest.

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