Talk about your experiences with others.

Posts by Davidk

joined

129 posts in 6 threads

my story of 7 years with an addict partner. by

Hi Liberty yeh to be honest most of how she is behaving is exactly how I always used to joke during happy times that she would, so I can hardly be surprised when she is acting exactly as I always predicted. I've met a girl a few times now with plans to meet again etc, so that's a good start, and from what I know she doesn't have a secret drug habit ha. so that's always a plus, yeh the book is nothing to do with the band ha, but it is really good, it just makes so much sense of so much really, like the whole dynamic of my relationship with an adult, as she was so repressed she repressed everyone around her, and I am open and want to talk about things but she could never allow that. I have been recommended it to so many people, but yes ideally the addicts and mentally ill could benefit from it more as it's them that are in need of the help to open up, whereas we as partners are already open but this book does help understand why they are like they are.

by Dre80

115 of 280 posts

Partner in recovery by

Hi, I can totally relate to your struggle to ever trust him again, and the sandpaper tongue when kissing is a pretty big give away when my partner is doing coke, although I guess other things could cause that, but like you, I would struggle not to be paranoid about any of these things. I guess all you can do is hope he is being truthful and know that if he is lying it will have a way of coming out without you really looking for it as a proper case of addiction becomes pretty apparent especially if you have already lived through all those lies already. fingers crossed for both of you.

Boyfriends cocaine addiction by

probably a good thing no kids involved at least, there is always that good patch that keeps us wanting them, its this desire we have for things to return to the way they were. and perhaps that can happen sometimes, but sadly most stories on here don't have the fairytail ending we wish for. and of course 99% of the time you find something out, after all we aren't just being paranoid, they really are guilty, but they become such good liars we have to search for evidence to convince ourselves, the lies keep implanting that doubt in us so it constantly needs new evidence and proof etc. its a shame as all the times I catch her out, I don't take any pleasure in it, in fact quite the opposite, I wish I was proved wrong.

Cocaine, lies and going round in circles by

I think our experience with an addict sounds pretty similar, yes I think she is pushing me away because she cannot face herself, and I refuse to condone what is happening by burying my head in the sand, whereas her and the kids seem willing to bury theirs. It makes it hard for her to pretend there isn't a problem when I'm there pointing it out. maybe once she faces her problem she will be ready to face me, but I cannot be the one to fix this only she can, but a lot of stuff is permanently broken this time, things will never go back to what they were even if she never repeats any of the past again (which isn't very likely as this stuff has a way of repeating) the past few weeks have been quite a ride in terms of emotions for me, but I do feel stronger now than I have at any other point, to the point that you do start thinking "do I even want to go back?" funny enough last night she did txt me just casual stuff like how are you? but I don't know how to take it, and rather than being over the moon that she is making contact I'm just dreading that it is building up to something worse like rather than her finally understanding why I am so hurt, she will just say things to add more to my pain. although it was probably just the usual technique of trying to act normal and not actually address anything, in the style of ignoring a problem and hoping it will disappear, which was the normal resolve to any arguments.

9 of 23 posts

The end of the line by

sounds like a tough situation you are in, and of course having other children to protect means you can't do much differently as you have them to think about too. people in denial that don't want to admit they are wrong will blame everything on anyone but themselves, you can try and be there and get the blame, and if you try not being there because they push you away so much, they will then blame the whole problem on that instead. The people around the addict are victims of the addiction just as much as the user but we are the ones that have to be strong, sometimes I feel like I don't have the strength left to deal with it anymore and none of us deserve to be tested like this. seeing posts on here really helps though as you soon realize your scenario is pretty similar to so many others, addiction just seems to bring out the same monster in all of its victims, and often its hard to separate the person you love from the addict they have become.

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