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Posts by Dfh

joined

66 posts in 35 threads

Divorce, a new life, what's next by

Hi lemony, hope you are ok? I can't really give much help but will try my best. I'm on here on and off, think you know my situation. Husband addicted to opiates and crack. I had a rant on here a while ago...had pretty much reached a point where I wanted to make it work but was reluctant to get dragged along on the roller coaster any further. Like you, middle of a house sale/purchase and he was unable to get a mortgage due to payday loans etc. So, I pushed ahead with house and distanced myself from his behaviour. At first he threw it in my face in arguments but then he must have realised he was the problem. He reached out to his key worker who arranged detox and then rehab. He was that bad he used the night before detox. Since then, he has done detoc and went straight to rehab today in fact. It's looking promising. I move house next friday and me and my kids are so much more relaxed. My advice, press on with what you need to do. Distance from his behaviour but not him. He has to realise himself he needs help and only he can do that journey. Don't carry his baggage by worrying. There's little to nothing you can do for him any way and only you will ultimately lose out. Be strong, supportive and there for him but distance yourself from the harmful side of it. It will all work out I promise you. You have been on this path as long as I have been on here. I wish you the best, you will get through xx

Help - Drug Addict in Family by

Hi Jay Sorry you are dealing with this right now. Can you ask him if he has anywhere else he could stay? If he can't abide by rules then he can't stay in the house. Point out that he is putting others at risk and if it continues he needs to leave. As far as the drugs, only he can get help. If it ultimately leads to homelessness then that is a direct result of his actions and he has to deal with that. You are enabling him. It's hard but you have to stop protecting him from himself. I'm in your position but further down the line. My addict is in recovery and I had to do what I'm advising you. Step back and stop covering. It will get easier for you xx

by BT1978

1 of 6 posts

my husband has a cocaine problem by

Stop. You need to stop. Stop giving him money and stop letting your son get in between you and your husband. What if you didn't have the money to give him? What would you do then? I get your situation. My husband is the same, constantly asking for money. Small difference is he actually pays it back BUT I still spend half my life pretending to be and telling him I'm skint. He finds it elsewhere. 9 times out of 10 the dealers aren't owed that much. They don't allow debt and if they did then it wouldn't be a lot. Sounds like your son has found the key to having you as his cash machine. You need to brave up. Tell him that 2k was the last of your money. You don't have anymore. Stand your ground. Imagine if it was the last you had. Stick to it. I once told my husband I had 23 pound to last a week. He took it. I knew he would but I just wanted to know if he would put me and 3 kids in a position where we had 3 pound to our name. That's when I learnt that your only as good as your bank balance to them. Luckily I lied, it did stop him asking for that week so I've done that ever since. I've stood back and watched him pawn gold chains, ipad and even his wedding ring. It's awful but they are his things and he's got to learn. He promised to go rehab but now uses that as a excuse. He says he won't go rehab if no one trust's him but uses that as a way to get round people. You have to either stay one step ahead or back off and detach. I've tried both, one I tried for years the other I've put in place over last few months. You are better off detaching. Do it slowly if need be but do not give him any more money. Concentrate on your marriage instead. Hugs xx

2 of 4 posts

Ex boyfriend and Drug addiction by

Hi Leah12 Sorry you are going through this. Crack is cocaine, it's just a different name and is used differently. Crack binges are very common. And an addict would sell their gran to the devil for a fix. You need to emotionally detach from him. And believe me when I say this but take the opportunity he has given you by him leaving. He is a grown man, big enough to look after himself. Your children rely on YOU. So you need to concentrate on yourself and them. Leave him to do whatever he feels is more important. I am typing this while my crack addict husband is out doing whatever he feels is more important. He been out since 1pm. I took my kids and had a walk on the beach, ate ice cream and had a nice day. I won't have him ruin mine and my kids day. Trust me I've had 14 years of this and it does not get better only worse. I could only dream of him leaving me. I know I'm not strong enough yet to leave him. But I won't allow him to steal me from my kids. It's going to be hard but honestly take the opportunity. This weekend alone I have had him overdose on heroin and then a few hours after that he passed out in a bush for 5 hours. You DO NOT want to live like that. It's awful. Please take my advice. Sending you hugs x

1 of 2 posts

Cocaine, lies and resentment. by

You're definately not alone. Any advice I can give I will. It sounds like you have reached the end of your tolerance with him. I would take the opportunity to cut ties. The longer you are in this the harder it becomes. Trust me. I think back many times before I had my middle child - his biological first with me. If I'd have had the insight then as to what I know now I would have left and never looked back. I stuck with him out of sheer determination to get the best out of him. Turns out he sucked the life out of me. Well, not all coz I'm very stubborn and hard to change but I can imagine if I was built different then I would be a mess. I would be broke, homeless and empty. Do not allow him to do this to you. Walk away while you can, you can do it! Xx

6 of 46 posts

I need to talk/vent by

It doesn't get better. I've been in this for 14 years and can categorically say that it does not get better. It does get worse. You need to leave. That's it, if it have known what I now know I would have left at the beginning. Instead of inflicting this on to 3 kids. Go and be happy, get your life set up for you and your baby. I thought it would get better after my 3rd baby but no. The baby is 18 months and my addict husband just spends 4x more money and disappears for longer. You can do it. I have just separated finances and got a new house. I will not be part of this circus anymore. Sorry I can't sugar coat it. I wish I'd had this advice when I could have made the decision sooner. Addicts don't just ruin lives they ruin people.

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