Talk about your experiences with others.

Posts by Donthaveaclue


136 posts in 48 threads

Diary of the Partner of a Crack Addict by

So he came home from work... during the shift he had a disagreement with boss. The guy is awful so I don't blame him. But... not so sure he'll be going back next week or not. Anyway, he's in a foul mood because of how the guy was... so he's now all wound up late at night. He's scraping about trying to find scraps so he can use again. He's convinced people are living in our loft spying on him, so he's shouting up at the ceiling and banging it... he also thought he heard me saying something to him when I was lying in another room quietly watching TV. The ceilings are slowly getting destroyed as are a couple of the walls..another reason I don't want to be jointly responsible for the property.

15 of 28 posts

Don't Know What To Do by

Mine also blames me for ruining his high. He disappears off into the bathroom or toilet for so long and I naturally ask 'are you okay?' and apparently that immediately ruins his high. They are so selfish. What about how their actions affect us? I end up living in my bedroom trying to avoid him... he spends his time bossing me about and trying to order food from me in the middle of the night because his body clock and meal times are all messed up and he's too lazy to prepare his own food. Talking about flushing... so I am, unintentionally, really good at accidentally finding his stash and chucking it away. I mean like the last week I've done it twice by mistake. I didn't even know I'd done it until he got back and went to use it and found I'd chucked it away in such a way as to be irretrievable... this is one reason we cannot live together. I don't want to spend my time wondering if I'm chucking his stuff or if I can't touch something or clean something etc. It's like treading on eggshells. Can't wait to be free.

1 of 18 posts

Worried that I'm losing my partner by

Natasha - I can answer your question. So the cocaine makes the body release a lot of dopamine very quickly thus causing the high. The person using it will typically stay awake, maybe be quite active (mine isn't anymore but he used to be) like dancing a lot or one of my friends starts doing lots of housework... often users won't eat because they feel satiated/no hunger... so when it wears off you have someone who is sleep deprived, hungry and has no dopamine... the junk foods can help raise that (especially things like chocolate). Lying in bed is a bit like someone taking to their bed with depression.

by Rae2022

8 of 62 posts

How has coke become okay 50? by

Sounds like my life except mine is nearly 50 and I'm younger and we share a young child who's now in the middle of this miserable existence. Mine also has often referred to it being okay as politicians and police men do it! Like that makes it okay!? I think you can leave and still be there for someone at a distance while they deal with their addiction and recovery. I am inclined to think this is healthier than staying but that's also influenced by my own experiences and situation. I feel completely trapped too and will only get out once the council rehouse me which is taking ages (coming up for a year now). I cannot stay. I have had enough and me and our child deserve better... stability and safety and just to be free of living with an addict who controls the house and environment.

by Jamesb

1 of 5 posts

Angry and disappointed by

Hi I'm sorry that you are going through this too. In reply to your question - I don't think you really can. You can't fight for them. It has to come from them. All I think you can do is be there for the person should they choose go take the steps to follow through detox and recovery. You have been drawing clear boundaries, which is great. He has been pushing you to break those, which obviously it's hard not to do as you love and care about him. Have you sought counselling or attended one of the groups for partners going through this? It might help you and prevent your own mental health worsening further. It is do hard not to get totally worn down by this situation. I've been in a similar position as mine has had 2 suicide attempts one of whicj was nearly successful. I've tried hard to get help for him but there isn't the inmediate type of help he really needed at that time and the onus is on him to get help, which he hasn't been in a fit state or the right state of mind to do. The resources suggested by the CMHT and GP he hasn't followed through and so remains in active addiction with severe mental health issues. I've had to prioritise my own physical, mental and emotional health and that of our young child now. I accept he may kill himself through substance abuse or through suicide but I also realise that's not my fault. I have done what I can do and ultimately he is an adult who has to take responsibility for his life and health. I'm in the process of leaving. I read that many addicts need to literally reach rock bottom in order to beat their addiction. My presence in his life is quite enabling even though I don't mean to be and I also bring a lot of normality by keeping the house running amd caring for our child so he has been able to exist like this for a couple of years with nearly everyone else being oblivious to his addiction! I accept him for who he is and have tried to be kind and understanding, this has done none of us any favours! I should have been firmer but I also realise that to a point it doesn't matter what I do or have done... he will do what he wants as he has been and is governed by the addiction and nothing else. I am now drawing those lines and boundaries even if he doesn't realise it and one day soon be will be left alone with his addiction and demons to sort himself out. I think he will either manage to lift himself out of it by some miracle or continue on possibly getting worse.

1 of 2 posts

Coming out of detox - Is it selfish to want an apology? by

I don't think it's selfish but it might not be forthcoming and where do you then go from there if he is unable to see your point of view and deliver what you need? Have you sought out some counselling for yourself? It sounds as if you have a lot to process and could do with some help in that respect. Also worth bearing in mind that people change... even if mine ceases using, I could never stay with him. The addiction and his attitude towards me have broken any trust I have and I can't imagine ever getting that back.

Looking for people who have come out of cocaine addiction. by

Hi Pamela So my partner is an addict - coke to crack now. But... he co-erced me into using coke when we were first together. I'd never done any drugs in my life and was quite anti them. He (aggressively as he was drunk) insisted I try it when he first used it in front of me (much to my shock!). The first time I managed to turn him down but the second time, I gave in as I just wanted him to shut up and not feel threatened. The thing is, of course it made me feel better/good as I have health issues that affect my brain and this was helping! So I found myself using it recreationally sometimes (not often or in vast quantities and never alone). I don't do it anymore and haven’t done for a long time. My child was a big factor in stopping... I got pregnant. To be honest, I also didn't like the side effects - the smell of it, not knowing what else was mixed with it, being unable to sleep and sometimes it would make me feel sick. Unfortunately, my partner is still addicted and his addiction has worsened/increased. So I am now trying to move out as with it has come a lot of issues such as volatility, DV and him destroying the house due to paranoia. Also debt because we can't afford his usage. I have a mum friend who is addicted. She doesn't realise it but she is... she uses daily in the week - only a bit - to help her get through the day and sometimes more in the evening and on weekends/parties etc. She has a lot of things to do and puts a lot of pressure on herself. So she uses it to cope and keep herself going. She thinks she's controlling it... but the fact she needs it and uses so frequently makes me feel she's addicted. The problem is, her partner also has done it with her during their relationship... he was unaware she was using daily. He confronted her and she tried to quit. Recently she had a lot of stress and started again... then he found out. It seems as if he used it as an excuse to use with her and get more. So they were on it for 5 days... and they really don't have the money to waste. They are both enabling each other because they both like it... that's the reality. They like how it makes them feel so they have that urge. Because they are both on it, there is no one saying no really, although my friend tries to limit it. I think it is part of a deeper issue - he already had issues with alcohol when he met her and she has always used recreational drugs, smoked and drank... she has issues from her childhood and I think having never dealt with them led her down this path a bit. I think you can reach out anonymously for help via online (emails, forums) or telephone helplines. There are quite a number of alcohol and drug support services as well although I'm not sure a out how anonymous you could be using them. There are online CA and NA meetings. Does your partner/husband want to quit too? xx

1 of 3 posts

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