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Posts by FaithNotFear

joined

167 posts in 11 threads

The Betrayal by

and i also remember my husband wouldn't look at me, not at all... i never knew why, it was because he was lying, ashamed and didn't want me to see he was on that stuff.. i remember when he started looking me in the eye again and that's when i knew he was ready to start being honest and upright once again. and that's how i feel sure he still is clean... obviously the cynic in me wonders if he's just learned to cover his tracks better by using eye contact, but that's what happens when you take a sledgehammer to the marital trust you once had x

Cocaine addiction is ruining my life by

i too am shocked and saddened by your story, what on earth can your new partner be thinking of to have headed down that road after the hell you've already been through! since my husband got caught im astonished about how common cocaine usage is. i must have been so naive before, but it seems to be absolutely everywhere. i feel like screaming Its Not Normal... but it seems I'm in the minority ... maybe i am the boring one huh!? i admire your strength in setting out some boundaries, i hope you can find the inner strength to survive this latest round of horror. thank you for sharing your story x

2 of 10 posts

Nastiness by

obviously it's always easy to look where others are and say oh i would do this or that... but.. i am 100% convinced that if it weren't for our two shared biological kids he wouldn't have seen me for dust - long before the drugs were in the open!!!! having said that - if things were different, things would be different. it's hard to break away but staying is hard too. if he relapses I'm off anyway, no third chances. I'll care about him from a safe distance, and keep the kids safe too. thanks for your kind words about holland xxx

2 of 11 posts

Cocaine Addiction - Feeling lost, alone and pretty helpless by

wow! my husband could have written exactly what Jamesb just wrote! he felt he had crossed that line into no man's land and as far as he was concerned everything was past saving....by keeping it quiet he was holding off the inevitable... but yep! he got caught... i didn't at that point know if the marriage could survive but i could only view him as a human that I loved, who was suffering. i put him in touch with ca immediately and he turned it round. i wish he'd had the courage to come to me before he got caught, and so does he. he was afraid that everyone he loved would turn their backs on him. thing was we all knew there was something wrong with him... we just didn't know what on earth was going on! everything fell into place when the truth started coming out - i was literally kicking myself as looking back it was bloody obvious! i appreciate you might not have an easy relationship but if he loves you and the kids surely he will see as i did - the best thing to do is give the suffering addict the space to try and get better. if you really cannot speak to him, speaking to a friend/family member/ca will likely be the most courageous and best thing you can do. ca really do wonders for so many people, yes... it is spiritual (god of your own understanding- could be Christian/muslim/mother nature/the universe/father xmas/anything)... but they are so supportive and welcoming, and they are all recovering from addictions so understand like nobody else can. as for recovering your own self by taking the drug, that's an illusion - and it's making you ill! bloody hell... my husband has a whole new lease of life since stopping... everything feels great! food tastes good again! sleep is sweet and precious! he barely slept for 2 years! there is so much life to be had after active addiction. if you want out it is possible xx

14 of 55 posts

How do i seek help? by

hi rikkrota first of all you are not a failure, you've just got into a bit of a difficult situation. but there is a way out and you must try to use that same strength you have used to post this message to reach out to someone in your family, friendship circle or even the school may have some kind of support system for you. i bet that your family have already noticed there is something wrong and are worrying nights trying to figure out what is the matter. you are at the beginning of your life with so much to look forwards to, i wish you all the strength in the world. xx

1 of 5 posts

Seeking help desperately by

hiya i second what lindyloo says about Cocaine Anonymous. i can tell that it is a completely non profit/self funded fellowship run by recovering addicts for addicts who need help. it is also completely confidential so only members in the meetings know what is being discussed. they helped my husband get off this drug and turn his life around. you can call them 24/7 and they will put you in touch with people who can and will help. lindyloo is also wise to mention danman.. he is also in recovery and knows well from the inside the struggle you are facing. from what you say you are surrounded by this drug and are using quite a bit. you must feel very, very physically and mentally unwell. you can come back from this though and i wish you all the very best. good luck!

1 of 3 posts

I’ll never understand. by

Aw it's very sad that he has missed out, but it's good that you have your daughter to focus on. My oldest two kids had a pair of completely dysfunctional fathers and i have to say that my main view as far as that is concerned is that it was their loss, not ours. I experienced every bit of the joy and pride. My two have grown into fine young adults and are largely unscathed by the paternal abandonment. It's how we deal with it that keeps them healthy. I can also report that both of them have intermittent contact with their fathers, and are able to see them for their flaws and deal with it mentally. My situation with my husband was that following a stressful couple of years his behaviour suddenly began to deteriorate. He had always had a bit of a temper but was never heartless. The main stressor was him going into partnership of his company in 2016. His workload was immense and random and potentially 7 days a week. It was awful and obviously affected his mental health. We also moved house which he couldn't really cope with - despite me doing 99% of the work. I know this is controversial but we've always been involved in the underground music scene and have used party drugs together. While away from the family home etc. Never around the kids and always together. One weekend away back on 2018 a few months after moving house we finally got away to a festival. He brought some coke. We got called back early because he had to work and pocketed the drugs. That's how it started! Sneaking a little bit here and there behind my back. His behaviour went off the scale and his drinking was insane. I assumed it was stress of work turning him to drink. It never even crossed my mind that he was using cocaine. I jumped through absolute hoops trying to ease the stress and be a supportive wife. Durrr! Over lockdown he terrorised me to the point where i wanted to die. He didn't care. On some occasions i did wonder if he was on something because his behaviour was so utterly crazy- he denied it! Somehow we made it through 2020 and it calmed down slightly, though he still was unbelievably volatile. The shock came that his partner caught him buying the drugs and one saturday last February it all fell in on us all. Obviously i didn't expect he would do as well as he has - ive read stories. Basically i think he was on the tipping point where much further he might not have got back. So... his partner wanted to kill him and close the business. I begged him to give my husband a single chance. My husband expected me to help him.. some cheek huh? but i said No! I'm for the kids and you sort this or we're off. He was coming out with oh... I'll shut the business and we'll sell the house and start afresh with a flat!! I told him that nope... if we have to leave the family home and turn the kids upside down i will be going it alone from that point. I rang the ca that morning basically in shock and despair, and they called him back and then his soon to be sponsor started ringing him a few times a day. He started online meetings that weekend and had his first face to face the tuesday. They do feel a bit like a religious cult but addicts need that. He did his 12 steps and has changed his life completely. He wanted out but the drugs were blinding him to everything but more drugs. He took the lifeline with both hands. i hope he never lets go. i think the shock of being caught and seeing everything he loves hanging over the precipice cut through the drug haze. maybe your husband will lose that veil long enough for you to break in xxx

2 of 5 posts

At a loss by

Hi Needing Strength, I just wanted to say that i read your post and felt the utmost sympathy for you and your children. What a horrifying situation you have found yourself in. It sounds like your husband is very, very deep in the illness of addiction. Especially tampering with your child's medication. You are very brave to have got out and i hope you have the support of family and friends through this. I am fortunate in that my husband wanted out and is determined to get better. However at his worst last year he tells me there were times he thought he was going to die from it and the feeling that one of our kids could have walked in on him passed out or worse is utterly terrifying. I'm so sorry xx

by Cxxx

15 of 59 posts

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