Feeling hopeless by SwoopTo cut a long story short we've been together 17 years and he's always had a bit of a temper and won't let things go. We split up over it many years ago but we got past it all and ended up married and two more kids. We've always been super close and though his temper has been an issue at times we've always got through stuff and had a lot of very good times. In the years leading up to this problem we had some really hard and stressful times including moving house. It was not long after that we went away to a music event and he brought some coke along, i was pretty happy as i never had an issue with it. Unfortunately what i didn't know was he put some aside for himself which was how his problems really escalated. So... the following year we went out loads, did the usual stuff but his moods were slipping. It was supposed to be the time of our lives but he was getting more and more annoyed about less and less. Accusing me of stupid stuff. I took him to a massive festival in Holland for his 40th... and after that things just tanked. He wasn't looking at me the same. Always shouting about some crap. Moaning about tea/kids not being in bed etc etc etc. Punching walls. Pushing me round. Throwing stuff. I just thought he was tired old and miserable. Hitting the bottle too hard. By the time lockdown started last year it was getting seriously out of hand.. he wasn't even making sense when off on one. The house was getting wrecked and the kids and i were living on eggshells as every weekend it would all kick off when he had a drink. He even smashed up the oven one night. I threatened him with the police most weekends. In the week he wasn't much better. He was either creeping round me or ignoring me. Then it would be a case of let's have a nice weekend this time... and then him going psycho. Sometimes he'd even drag me out of bed when i was sleeping. I gave him an ultimatum and made moves on how to get him out as my nerves were in shreds by the end of the summer. I was going to get my grown up daughter to move home so i could afford to keep the kids in their home. But then he calmed down and over Xmas we did sort it out a bit. But still always avoiding coming to sit with me or eat dinner. Waiting for ages for him to come up to bed. Acting like an idiot at the family meals. So bloody obvious now looking back....it all was building up as his mood was dropping and then when he was hitting it hard he was out of his mind, either on it or on some horrible guilt ridden comedown. He drank so much gin because for him the coke made him thirsty. I knew how much he was drinking and i just assumed it was that. I also knew he was sneaking around up to something but it never crossed my mind he would do that stuff around the house or kids. Anyway yes... recovery is going well and hopefully never again.... i will never miss the signs again that's for sure. He didn't even look me in the eye for 2 years but he does now and it's amazing.