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Talk about your experiences with others.
joined 12 January 2019
158 posts in 62 threads
My heart goes out to you, it's a lonely life.
It is the behaviour of an alcoholic.
My sister is the same abusive and violent when she is under the influence of drink. But this is the majority of the time. It has been hard to handle over the years and her husband has taken the brunt of it. She cannot remember some of the things she says and does.
Nothing changes until they realise they are an alcoholic and want to do everything not just something about it.
Take care of yourself.
DNAnon that's brilliant news, it is a start in the right direction. He is thinking about you even though he's not in touch as often as you would like. I'm so glad that he has responded to you and has made you feel good.
Husband is still in touch but only when he wants something from the house. He says he will do things for me then doesn't. Still says he doesn't love me but then says he misses the little things we used to do together and that he's upset too. I cannot understand him I have to ignore him as it hurts too much. He has now admitted to me that the court case has been getting to him and that he has been thinking of all things negative.
I'm trying to keep strong but I do have my better days and the really bad.
Keep you chin up. Lets hope for better days for all of us.
I have been there myself. Loving husband abusing alcohol and taking cocaine. Disappearing. The come downs when he returns, the physical symptoms. They can be good at hiding their addictions and will lie and manipulate.
There is no comfort for us until your partner acknowledges he has a problem and seeks help. Only he can do this.
Emotions will not come into it, the coke sees to that I'm afraid and my heart goes out to you.
I hope he sees the light soon before its too late. All you can do is be there for him when he needs you so look after yourself and be strong.
Too hasty a decision on his part. I hope you can work this out together I really do. Going to counselling and meetings together is a good idea and I hope he feels this too.
Hopefully my sister and her husband could do this eventually when she proves herself sober and the anger has subsided. You have given me something I can put to her to give her more motivation and look forward to a future back with her family.
You are not alone Lil. I have been in the same position.
Does your husband realise he has a problem or is he happy doing what he does? I ask this because mine doesn't realise he has an addiction and it has ruined my life.
I feel for you having 'lost' your husband and your life to cocaine. Like myself. I understand you completely saying you feel like you are living someone else's life. It is a nightmare and can only be solved by your husband wanting help for his addiction and wanting it wholeheartedly. I say this because I hope he gets help soon before he loses all the ability to love what he once did. I'm in this situation and I don't wish it on anyone.
My 'husband' also went out overnight repeatedly and not returning home until he had had his fill of alcohol and sniffed enough cocaine.
Please talk to him when he returns and comes down, ask if he wants help, he is the only one that can do it.
I hope you can get your husband back and your life back on track. You must also look after yourself and keep strong.
I'm sorry to hear that you have been forced into doing this. It is heartbreaking. Keep safe and like you say focus on yourself and your children for a while. It's your time now. Stay strong.
Have you spoken to your mum about needing her to be there as a mother to you?
My sister has a problem with the drink and is nasty and violent. This has been happening for years. Doctors would't help and a councillor didn't think she had a problem with drinking eighteen cans a day. Recently her husband has said enough is enough. He has suffered through the years more than me and my other sister. She has now decided to do something about it. She doesn't want to lose us all. She hasn't had a drink for three weeks now. But I'm afraid it took losing us all to do something about it. Keep strong and keep yourself well.
I don't think we can help until they want it. We can be at the end of the phone and try to be supportive, its all we can do.
I have spoken to my sister this morning on the phone.
She is now three weeks without a drink, going from eighteen cans a day plus cups of whisky. I cannot remember a time that she's not been on the drink.
She never seems to get a hangover so thinks she isn't an alcoholic as her husband calls her. But she definitely has a drink problem, she was violent and spiteful the majority of the time. She went to the doctors and told him that she had a problem, he prescribed anti depressants which obviously didn't work washed down with a can of beer. She also went to a councillor that said she hadn't got a problem. So no help was provided even though it was asked for repeatedly.
The thing thats helping now is realising that she will lose her loving husband and son, which she does not want to happen. They had a heart to heart and he told her that arguing and falling out with family and friends could not continue. My other sister and myself had refused to talk to her for months. We cannot help.
We talked about the cause of her drinking she says there is no reason for it. We have come to the conclusion that it is a habit. She now doesn't go shopping on her own so she can be persuaded not to buy drink. If she wants a drink her husband is there to persuade her not to and it is working. She wants it to work and has accepted the help. She feels much better without the drink now and she didn't turn anything I said into an argument.
My 'husband' was the same. Going out, drinking excessively and using cocaine. He would be out all hours only coming back to come down. I was there to pass the tissues, rub his back whilst being sick. Getting the paracetamol and orange juice to cure the headaches and hangover. But he chose that lifestyle, he preferred it to the happy life we used to have.
He was a horrible, hurtful person and I will never get over the spiteful things he said to me and I cannot easily forgive now. I thought I could.
He has left the marital home for over a week now. I too worried about the come downs but at the end of the day it is his choice to sniff and drink, like he says to me it's his life he can do what he wants.
My 'husband' has been going through a very stressful time but I know I do not deserve the treatment he has dished out to me and is continuing to do so. He didn't think he had a problem, still doesn't.
The man I love has gone and no amount of pleading has brought him back. The majority of his family and friends are into drugs, taking or dealing, one way or the other so they are of no help. The anxiety is still with me.