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As a mum in a similar position to your mum I’d say please, please get help. I’m sure your mum will have a horrible inkling of what is going on but doesn’t want to ask. It’s not your fault that you have an addiction, but only you can solve it, but you do need support in getting clean. There are drug recovery groups on Reddit, they are kind and full of people that understand your situation. There is CA Cocaine Anon and NA narcotics anon that hold meetings physically and online. See your GP and addiction services, they can probably help you in managing the depression. Talk to your mum or someone else you trust and put your money out of reach. You sound like a good person, please see the value in yourself and believe you have a future. Try and think about where it all went wrong and what would make your life better going forward. There is a lovely guy who write on the forum called Danman, he appears on a lot of the coke threads. He is now rebuilding his life and offers encouragement to other people with the same struggles. I’m sorry if this sounds preachy I really hope you are able to seek help and start to recover control of your life.

Hi James my situation is similar to everyone here. My son is 31 and has been using heroin on and off for 5 years. He hasn’t stolen from me but all his cash goes on drugs and he regularly asks for money from me making it very hard to say no. I read your post and it stopped me in my tracks. I just wondered what changed things for you, that got you to turn your life around and also kept you on that journey? It’s one thing to decide to get clean but seems like a monumental task to stay on that path. Thanks again for your honesty, it helps so much to hear from people who are on the other side of this.

Hi Joanie, I do get your predicament, and how you want to help support your son to keep his job. My son stopped working at the start of Covid and everything spiralled after that. Adfam offer a few free one to one counselling sessions, it might be worth talking to them. I found that really helpful. As Georgie said Gabor Mate’s book is really good for getting the addicts perspective. For me, the one that helped most of all was Understanding and Helping an Addict by Andrew Proulx. He was an addict and a doctor so sees it from both sides. Does your son talk to any online support communities or engage with AA? They can be a great support system if he’s prepared to open up and talk to others about his problems? I know none of this is easy, I wish there was a solution for all of us x

Hello, I’m not sure what you are using. My only experience is my son who is a heroin addict. If this is where you are, I’d say you need to get out quickly, this is going to ruin your life and the lives of people who love you. There are really kind and helpful forums on Reddit for all kinds of addiction, Opiate Recovery is a very supportive community, but as I said that may not be what you’re looking for, but you can search for other groups. A relationship based on being intoxicated isn’t real and is about as unhealthy as it can get. You sound like a lovely person, but please wake up and start to value your own life. I hope you can get the support you need.

Hi, your situation sounds very stressful, I’m really sorry that your family are going through this. I have a son who has addiction issues and I find that hard to cope with, without having to worry about small children. I would talk to an addiction helpline, they will be able to support you with this. I have lent heavily on Drugsfam and they’ve been really helpful. This forum is full of amazing people who will also be there for you. Something that I have learned is to not keep it a secret between you and your wife. If you have relatives that you trust and know you both well I would probably confide in them. If you keep it a secret it adds another layer of stress and if people know what’s going on they can help. My son gets angry if anyone in our family finds out but I’ve decided that as it’s me that has to deal with the fall out I’ll decide if someone needs to know. Hopefully you may have someone who can help you with the children. I can understand why you don’t want Social Services involved and only you can decide on that. I really hope that your wife wakes up and can get the support she needs from local addiction services and Narcotics Anonymous. I guess no one chooses to become addicted to drugs/alcohol but that doesn’t make it any easier to cope with. I hope things improve for you all xxx

Your story is really sad, I am so sorry that you’ve been through all of this. It sounds like you are isolated and alone with this. The awful violence and drug taking should be the end, but it’s not always that simple when we love people who are not good for us. Please get help with your situation, maybe start with a domestic violence charity who can support you in getting to a safe place. You are worth a lot more than this. God bless you x

I’m so sorry that you are going through this. I agree with MeStre, you got together very quickly and had there not been a baby I’m sure you’d have moved on as soon as you realised that your partner had a problem with alcohol. I grew up with a functioning alcoholic father and it was horrible and tainted so many family events/celebrations, and most meal times. You do need to talk to him about how you feel, but it sounds like he’s not ready yet to accept there’s a problem. Bringing a baby up on your own will be hard but it may be easier than bringing one up with an alcoholic. There is a really good helpline for relatives of people with drug/alcohol addiction called Drugfam, if you can, give them a call, they will support you through this. Good luck with this xxx

I really feel for you, but honestly, stay strong for your children and don’t give way. Maybe at some point he’ll get clean but you cannot gamble your family’s happiness on that. I hope you can move on and find someone that makes you happy.

My son’s a heroin addict, and when he comes off is just as difficult (maybe more so) than when he’s using. He suffers from PAWS which makes him irritable and very bleak. You kind of think it’s going to get easier when they come off but it doesn’t. Also my son medicates with other things to help with insomnia and anxiety, so I have no idea what’s going on. Heroin addicts are very secretive and when they relapse it can take a while to find out, you probably no all of this. You end up feeling like your going mad. I wish I could advise you what to do, but it’s a long hard slog for both of you. You can get really good support from Drugsfam, they have a helpline, if nothing else they’ll help you to think about boundaries and make you feel less isolated. Heroin is an absolute curse, I really feel for you xxx

I’m really sorry, you sound like your in a very tough place at the moment. I don’t know anything about your situation but I know how it feels when you can’t summon the energy for another day and see your way forward. So many people will read your post and know that feeling. Just know your not alone in this, keep posting on this site. I found yesterday a struggle at work, just coping with a new co-worker and a million questions, I just wanted to cry. Last night I listened to some positive podcasts and today I feel slightly less like throwing my self out of my office window. Trying not to think beyond today also helps me feel less overwhelmed. Goodluck xxxx