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Posts by Lece13

joined

28 posts in 9 threads

5 years in by

Hey, well today he turned up at his mams who had the kids. She told him that I said he wasn't allowed to see them when at hers as he needs to arrange set days with me. His response was "well I'm not staying". He then proceeded to have an argument with his brother all in ear shot of my son who heard everything. He has collected all his clothes from his mams and told her he wants nothing more to do with them and he won't be seeing them again!! How can someone be so cruel. How can he just cut his family and kids off who are innocent in all of this. You wouldn't treat shit on your shoe like he has treat us. It's obvious he is with someone else, but why does he have to push kids away. Yes - me I understand that and maybe his family as they support me and would not approve, but the children are innocent. Why go to all this effort why not just say what he is up to instead of cutting everyone off through starting arguments. How someone can be truly happy pushing all those who have been constantly in your life away and choosing drugs, gambling and some slut.........is beyond me. I don't even no him now. He is a different person who has no love, loyalty or care for his family. He goes on like he is hard done by, he is the one left alone and pushed out etc. When actually he has done all of this. He has chosen this life and all the things he is doing it. It has completely knocked me sideways. I was meant to be going out tonight with friends and I have no motivation and feel nothing but pain. He has worn me to the ground. Wish there was a tablet I could take that would takw all the feelings and emotions away that were connected to him. Then maybe I could switch off and move on!! Here's to a better day tomorrow! Hope you are doing good still and enjoying your day out

My ex has been a cocaine addict and now I think he’s cheated by

Hi MJ Sorry to hear that. I hope you are okay. It's an awful situation to be in, but at least it stops the constant wondering! Finding some truth is better than questioning it in your head and not knowing for certain. You can start processing things now. Its far from simple as your emotions will be all over and no doubt your partner will try to portray his side and provide some sort of explanation. All I can say is stay strong and do what is right for you. Take care

by MJ2021

7 of 31 posts

I think my boyfriend is addicted to cocaine by

Sorry to hear this. Well there's the lies and manipulation! My ex pretended he was going to have an early night and stay at my dad's to get a good night sleep for work, but would end up using. I dont understand why she has phoned the rehab clinic? Is this something she does when using coke. Is it a guilt thing where she over thinks when high wanting help but then when she crashes she's not interested. The anger is part of the come down. I would say don't take it personally but you do. Your the person that she sees in her way when she comes round from the drug. Basically she can't be bothered with the lecture or to discuss what's happened so she snaps instead. I would say your lucky to still be getting a reaction. It doesn't feel that way at the time, but when they stop reacting you know then they are completely consumed and just don't care about anything anymore. It is an awful rollercoaster to be on. Up and down, highs and lows, constantly questioning things in your head. Some days I have felt mentally drained through it where I have had no motivation whatsoever. You will never really understand an addict and what goes on in their mind. I have spent years questioning things and still no real answers. You need to look after yourself, put yourself first, you can't help someone who doesn't want help. I spent years trying to make my ex better through trying to help and support him and in the end I've lost myself whilst making myself ill. Don't let that happen to you. Stay strong

by Ash2013

6 of 40 posts

When the going gets tough by

Hiya - yeah you are absolutely right it is time to start putting myself first. I'm still on that rollercoaster where some days i feel better and hopefull in moving forward. Then other days my mind starts working overtime thinking about all the events, the what ifs, where is he etc. It's crazy how your mind works. Had a cpl of positive days, but today has been the first time we have spoke and it has set me back / off track. I think it would be easier to have no contact at all, but that is difficult when children are involved. To be fair he's not committed to them at the minute anyway. Just pops up when it suits him. Just got to keep plodding on. I am happy to hear your husband is taking positive steps. I pray he continues on the long winding road to recovery. I'm pleased you are also doing well and feeling much better. Just goes to show how clearing your mind from all the negativity can help your recovery. You don't realise how lost you are when you are caught up in it all. Its not until you loosen the grip with the addict that you see yourself again. Fingers crossed you continue in this new direction. There is hope out there for your future and likewise mine if I keep moving forward! Xx

by Emjay

5 of 10 posts

I’m at breaking point with his cocaine use by

Hi, just been reading your story and it's an awful situation to be in. Do know that there are other people out there with similar struggles and you are not alone. In terms of having to live like that under the same roof must be extremely hard not only emotionally but mentally. I would say I'm lucky in one way as my ex bf never used in the house he just disappeard for days / weeks then returned when he felt like it. He still does it now in the sense kids don't hear anything then he reappears to see them whilst trying to mess with my head. You feel u don't even know where you are at in your own mind and the manipulation is awful. I'm always drawn back in, but have become stronger in the way im not as easily led now. Its an awful atmosphere to live in when they are like that. No emotion or remorse displayed just sheer cruelty. Do know that's part of the addiction though. It changes them from the inside. My advice is you need to clear your mind and have a long hard think. This I imagine you can't do whilst he is using in the same house as you. I would either escape to collect your thoughts at family/friends house in the hope he may pull himself together or I'd tell him to get out if he is going to continue using everyday. From experience you can't pull yourself together or think logically when you are consumed by what is going on in your house. You need space to think, deal with your emotions and feelings. Hopefully resulting in you putting a plan in action to help deal with your situation. I wish you strength! Take care

by Esta

1 of 6 posts

Really struggling by

I can relate to your post. It' so difficult when children are involved. I feel like this at times wanting to stop contact with the kids. However, in my case its got to the point where I don't think he would be that bothered at this present time. I don't think anyone of us in a similar situation would have imagined our life to end up like this. I for one didn't!! I am currently feeling the heartache and anxiety of being alone, but in all honestly I spend quite alot of time alone with kids when he disappears. I have started to come to terms with the fact life will get easier without him in it as at present he brings nothing to the table. I hope your struggles get easier and you start to feel more positive soon. Take care

by Becky90

1 of 6 posts

Where do I start by

Yeah the gambling comes in hand with the coke and so did the cheating!! He's managed a wk clean so far. I'm glad you are feeling back to yourself. He just seems a different person. I mean this wk he has seemed a little better in the sense he has been eating more, looks a bit healthier and has been training. How long this lasts though is anyone's guess. The emotions with him are just all gone at the minute. He is so distant with everyone his kids, mam etc. I'm hoping this is due to the missuse over the last year where he has more or less took it every day / every other day. Everything that has happened though makes me question myself and if its me making him unhappy and thus making it difficult to connect with me and show affection. I agree with the battle forever. He has gained a few close friends through attending meetings who have and are still continuously battling their addictions. It is hard work and I praise you for coming so far. The commitment you have to put in is emence

by Lindyloo

2 of 115 posts

New life... old addiction. by

Hi Emjay First of all you are far from a failure! Trying to support your partner is much more difficult to deal with due to the emotional ties you have with him. I can relate to your feeling of worthlessness. I myself feel like this along with being non existent at times in my partners eyes. The daily struggles are emence and the craziness I think is human nature. You are wanting answers to the questions you are constantly asking yourself in your own mind. I like you understand addiction. Mainly due to it being part of my life for over 10 years. One thing I don't fully understand is my partner. Not in the sense of his cycle or his behavioural patterns. More in the way of the person he has become. I dont know that person, he is not the person i fell in love with. The drugs have changed him just like it does with most people. It completely takes over their mind. You will never be able to understand the addict because it is not the person you love. I hope your hurt eases and remember you are not alone, so many people are out there in similar situations. It's heartbreaking how it affects families and not just the addict. Stay strong

by

1 of 12 posts

Cheating on me by

I know me neither. When I questioned him about the escort numbers in his phone his response was its not what u think, so what is it then? He no longer opens up about how he feels. Tbh it is like he has no feelings. All his emotions and empathy have disappeared. The drug has eaten away at him. He has tried NA meetings, the 12 steps and even had a great sponsor. None of which have given him the ability to keep fighting. It is like he has completely given up now. The last 18 months have been the hardest. Previously he managed regular cycles of staying clean for 6 - 8 wks before relapsing, and when he did he usually pulled himself together within a couple of weeks. Now he is on it either every day or every other day. His mam barely recognises him as he is so distant with her. What hurts the most along with the cheating is the lack of interest he now shows in his 3 children. He can go over a wk without a txt or phone call to see how they are. If you don't mind me asking and you sharing did your partner tell you he had been cheating or did u find out? Has he showed remorse and regret? Mine did show some remorse to an extent but not what I was expecting. Not sure if this is because he is constantly using, so it is blocking his feelings. To me it's just like he wants to brush it under the carpet and not talk about it, yet it is all I can think of. Every day I dont hear from him I am thinking is he with another woman. He claims he fell for this girl but its over now. He was drinking and using when he was with her something that I would never encourage or do with him. I am aware he wasn't with her all the time when he disappeared as some weeks she didn't see him. I understand from others that cocaine and sexual desires can come in hand with one another, so now I am constantly thinking he is with another woman when I don't here from him or the escorts! Not just because he is using cocaine. I wish it was easy and I could just walk away and never look back. 17 years we have been together. He is all I have know. I've tried so hard to help and support him, but I feel now I can do no more. Its like grieving for a person that is still alive in front of me but he is not the same person inside that body.

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