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Posts by Liberty


130 posts in 9 threads

Does he even care by

Coco1212, wow, he’s been off it a year, that’s wonderful. How’s life for you now? Has everything settled back down? Xx Things are changing again for us my side. My bf became so uncaring toward me that I completely cut ties with him, but I’m a matter of a few days something must’ve switched in his head, because he didn't want me to stay away from him. He was charming and fun again. We seemed to get the balance back and he seemed to be in this relationship again. We were good for a month, we’ve even been on a few trips away, we’ve spent time together. It’s been lovely again. However, my financial position has changed this year. My income isn’t anywhere near as high. I still make sure my bf has everything he needs to stay healthy, but I can’t really afford to do those things anymore, it’s starting to hurt me and I’m starting to resent the one thing he spends all his money on. The drugs. He’s aware of my resentment. Not because it’s impacted on my behaviour towards him massively, but twice I acted in spite, which I have never done and he didn’t like it. He acted in spite in return, so we’ve hurt each other. I think he wants to leave the relationship, which I am partially shocked by. If he does walk away, it only proves he doesn’t really care and that he never really did. He enjoys how I protect him from any damage his drug use has, and now it’s starting to hurt me financially to do this and he needs to step up and take responsibility for things a bit more financially, I don’t think he’s in this anymore.

by Coco1212

106 of 231 posts

My fiancé’s addiction to cocaine by

Louisa2021, I’m so sorry to read about what you’re going through. My boyfriend is a life long addict, mainly crack is his drug of choice. He goes through phases, he uses less when he is happier, he uses more when he’s a bit stressed or unbalanced. If you’ve been together for 2 years and he was a heavy user before, perhaps he has just always had and will be a drug user in varying degrees. Perhaps meeting you was so positive that he cut right back and it was virtually undetectable? - my boyfriend does this too, when he is good. My boyfriend told me time and time again he wanted to stop, but he was just telling me what he thought I wanted to hear. In truth he enjoys it. We’ve totally gone full circle now, and although our relationship can be chaotic, I’ve accepted who he is and that his addiction is HIS lifestyle choice and that’s totally on him. We’ve known each other a long while and don’t get me wrong I am sooo anti drugs, but as long as what he does doesn’t impact me, it’s up to him. He knows that means if I don’t want to be around him because he’s on it/is on a come-down, he has to accept that. Sometimes he’d rather spend time with me, so he’ll compromise a bit. Equally though, sometimes I want to spend time with him for whatever reason and he just wants to get on it. Those times can feel harsh, sometimes we argue about that. I do suffer with feelings of rejection sometimes, most of the time I get on and it’s short lived. If he really wants it, NOTHING stops him. Ultimately, the point I’m making it isn’t the life I’d of chosen for myself, he has bad days, the physical wear and tear drugs have on the body are very apparent, and not pretty, but he’s happy, as much as he can be. One day he may stop totally, I don’t know, until then, he’s happy and that means we are good. Sending you kindness and strength xx

by Daisy5

1 of 10 posts

Is he using cocaine ? Denial by

Dear confused88, speaking from personal experience, the white powder around the nose does sound a bit of a giveaway, his behaviour is suggestive of using coke, but guessing aside, have you asked yourself what do you want to come from knowing for sure if he is/isn’t using coke? Will it change your relationship? I’ll tell you now, the constant guessing and trying to catch him out will load on the tension between you both, it isn’t healthy for a relationship. I don’t know how you are as a couple, but if he isn’t being open with you when you’re directly asking, before you press him on it again, I’d recommend just deciding what difference it makes to your relationship if he’s using coke. And don’t get me wrong, I get it, it isn’t nice when people we care about lie to us, and I’ve been lied to too, my bf is as an addict, what he doesn’t tell me is more from his own shame than anything else, and more so now, because we know each other so well, he doesn’t tend to lie so much. If he does i know, I laugh, then he laughs and admits the lie. But if you can give it a little bit of time, hold back from trying to catch him out, perhaps wait until he relaxes again and meanwhile just consider the likely scenarios, perhaps you’ll find a more natural opportunity to speak and you’ll be sure of your view on any given scenario. Living with an addict is not ideal, but at the same time, I’m sorry to say, people have to be themselves, whatever that looks like. I wish you the best possible outcome. Xx

by Mariaf

1 of 6 posts

Heroin/cocaine, and now infidelity by

Solonely, sending you support, you are not alone girl. It’s so so hard, and I can only imagine that your hormones are sooo all over the place too, which makes everything feel worse. It must be exhausting for you, I can only empathise with you. Sending care xxx I’m not going to tell you to leave him, I can’t even do that from my partner, so I won’t preach it to you. But I do know that the addict is an addict through lifestyle choice. If he’s an addict, it’s because he wants to be. Perhaps being a parent will be enough motivation for him to make a lifestyle change, or will could make things worse. It’s impossible to know for sure. Whatever happens I just encourage you to make sure you take care of yourself, physically and mentally. If you need some support in weighing everything up, here as a sound board. Hugs xxx

by Esta

1 of 9 posts

my story of 7 years with an addict partner. by

David, I’m actually not surprised at all, I totally expected her to move on pretty quickly, that is no reflection on you, she’s clearly someone who needs someone. I can’t help but feel sorry for the guy. And well done you for getting out and dating, that’s great. It’s nice to have a reason to wear something nice, go somewhere different, meet new people. I don’t doubt that you’ll meet someone you’re more compatible with when you least expect it. Like you say, you can build a life together. It’ll happen, I’m sure. A summer romance perhaps, how wonderful! Primal Scream repression, made me think of Bobby Gillespie at first. Thanks for the recommendation, I’ll give it a look. Although, the psychology of it all is a bit much for me sometimes, I might likely use what I learn against him. Plus it isn’t me who needs to read it, it’s my bf, (well my ex) we’re not currently together though. I will give it a go though, as you’ve recommended it. Thank you

by Davidk

13 of 278 posts

Addicts who become dealers by

I’ve been very public about my story, or rather sharing my partners story and the impact my partners lifelong crack use has had on our relationship. My partner has since become an addict who deals on behalf of a dealer to get the drugs he wants, this is a direct result of his inability to fund his addiction himself, since covid meant massive loss of income for him, he’s been unable to work and is now on benefits. This situation has exposed an area of dealing I haven’t been aware of before. My partner is now a dealer, taking calls, making orders, dropping off to other addicts. His dealer comes once a day to drop off ‘stock’, pick up money and give my partner the crack he wants to get through the day. I can’t sit by and whiteness this without raising awareness to it, even if nothing positive comes of it. The dealer isn’t a user himself (I haven’t come across many who are). I’m sure these ‘non-using’ dealers are the ones being targeted by crime prevention schemes, but what about the lower-level addict dealers like my partner? The vulnerable addicts who deal to use. Sure my partner has been a lifelong user, he was finally moving past it all though, he was focusing on more positive non-drug associated things, life was getting good for us. Now he’s been sucked back in deeper than before, the control he did have has been forced out of him because of covid. I would like to be able to report a phone number being used in drug activity, have it disconnected, break the connection, make drugs less accessible. Does anything like this exist?

1 of 1 post

Crack Addicted Mum by

Salboo, I completely understand. Every time she disregards the love and care of you and everyone who cares about her, it’s easy for the anger and sense of loss to creep in. I feel the same. My boyfriend is stuck in a horrible cycle, he does really well, is really positive, we start to plan for the future again and then, he disappears, he’ll start smoking crack and all of a sudden, he’s just a satellite with no care for me, our future and the only win is money for the crack and the high, no matter the risk, no matter anything. When he’s had enough and the comedown kicks in he wants me again. What he never seems to notice is that every time he stops being engaged and connected with me, to me he’s suddenly lost. Completely gone. It could be for a few days, a week, with the risks of crack use, it could even be forever. And it is loss I feel every time, boarder line grief, all the things we speak about for the future are a world away, maybe for a short time. Maybe for good. My boyfriend has covid recently. Given his age and poor lifestyle, for so long, naturally I wasn’t sure how it would affect him. As it turns out, he did get very sick, fortunately didn’t require medical intervention, has stayed at home (we are living apart at the moment, he’s alone and I’m here with my elderly mum), and he’s since recovered, but at his worst I realised that those periods in between when we spoke, while he was sleeping and I didn’t know what to expect of the next few hours, I considered if I was more scared or less. With covid being a fatal virus, how worried was I? It turns out, the feeling of concern for his health and life matched the same feeling of worry and expected loss that I have every time he gets on the crack. It gets to this big seemingly irreversible point almost every other week, sometimes more frequently. Sometimes less frequently. I’m so used to feeling like I’ve lost him now that if I actually did, I doubt it would be much of an impact on my life, which is so so sad. Living apart for us has definitely made his addiction worse, if it weren’t for covid preventing him from working, I expect it wouldn’t have got as bad as it has. I believe the person you are trying to help overcome the addiction, in this case your mum, has to commit to wanting to give up, all be it in a small way. It doesn’t happen overnight, small steps, one at a time, but ultimately they have to want to change, otherwise, it will always just be that perpetual cycle of you trying to help, them using again, you feeling that sense of loss. I agree with what publican said, if she could start by blocking out people who only make the problem worse, not better, that’s surely a positive thing. Anything like that will help. Until the point she will accept your help, there is not much else I think you can do, other than try in small ways to reach that point, which is (or has been in my case) a really long hard road. I know some people do recover, but personally, I don’t know anyone who has. That x of yours sounds like a terrible person, does he really hate you so much that he’s become an enabler to your own mothers drug addiction? The lowest of the low, you are well rid! It sounds like you have good support of your aunt and your boyfriend, I hope that keeps you strong, I send you care and remind you to take care of yourself xxx

My fiance has a cocaine addiction. Do I stand by him after everything hes done? by

Oh anon I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to make you cry. Life is what you make it, likely it’s not worth thinking what the future will be like, perhaps try not put too much pressure on yourself to make any major decisions, I don’t think any of us can really do that with covid anyway. It sounds like your fiancée is trying to make positive changes, perhaps he just needs time. The fact that he’s being honest about the problem is something to be thankful for. If you haven’t seen it yet, there’s a really interesting Ted talk with Johann Hari, he talks about how the Portuguese manage addiction, it gave me hope and I’ve never forgotten it. I can’t tell you the number of times I’ve wanted to convince myself to walk away, a few times I actually have. I used to question everything for days sometimes, and every time I’d decide I’d regret walking away more than I could ever regret staying, especially with the way things are now. Do you have any support from family and friends? If he’s staying with his mum, is she supporting him in the recovery too? Thinking of you, sending care xx

4 of 9 posts

Theresa by

Bump22, I would totally do the same, Lotto win or not, there’s so much more that can be done much earlier, if I ever get the chance I’ll do the same. I also think to a degree there’s much more that can be done to battle the war on drugs at source. My bf is a lifelong crack addict, he’s an intelligent, charismatic and wonderful guy, but behind closed doors (expect for me and his inner circle) he’s battling addiction on a daily basis. He enjoys the buzz and the battle though, he says he wants to stop, but a big part of me thinks there’s no way that’ll ever happen, which is heartbreaking. Sending care and support xx

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