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Posts by Lillies

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Partners coke addiction by

My partners coke addiction is destroying me! None of this will probably make sense but im hoping getting it off my chest might help. Hes done coke which was socially for about 10 years but the last 5 has been a back and forward thing but i suppose i was in denial myself for a long time. Because i didnt have proof hed manage to lie to me where money had gone ect. It has been bad for a long time weve split so many times and hes promised the world and weve tried again and then im back here again crying with that pain in my chest. I know i need to leave because its not guna get better any time soon and i know the longer i stay with him or keep going back and fourth im going to end up in such a dark place myself. I know hes not ready to stop and they have to be ready they have to want it. It breaks my heart hes my first love we have been together 9 years since i was 16. Its so fustrating because the stuff is everywhere around. theres so many dealers in just the village we live in never mind a the 5 mile radius around us. It angers me so bad. I just feel like its all so unfair! My dad is a heroin addict has been my whole life hes walked in and out of my life. It was something i struggled so bad with growing up all i ever wanted was my dad growing up. Hes put us through it. Finally a couple of years ago i started to feel like i was over that but now im back at that stage its like a double wammy i feel so hurt and let down all i ever wanted was for him to be there for me and now im doing again with my partner. Like how is that fair i have cried my whole life because of soneones addictions and the effects it has. Im fed up! Its like me and my partner will be getting on for a little while then well have an amazing day or 2 then all of a sudden its ripped away from me again! Thats exactly how it would be growing up id see my dad for abit hed promise me alsorts hed pick me up ect then boom hed no longer be around. Its just like history is repeating itself. My partner got home on thursday, oh it was amazing he was in such a lovely mood tell me how much he loved me , like hed just realised it again kind of thing basically his words, friday again such a lovely day. Im really feeling positive by this point things are lookibg good, saturday day agsin a good day. I could tell hed clearly not had any Saturday i fall asleep on the couch then go to bed. He ends up at a friend till past 4 sniffed up. He gets up for a little bit then sleeps till 5.30 gets up think he might of had some more thst night i took myself to bed and he went to see his mate. Sleeps alot of sunday then boom all hell breaks loose because hes on a come down. How is any of this fair. I tell him if your not ready fair enough tell me just walk away leave me because i dont have the strengh no more. Theres a complete lack of communication vecause he wont talk to me. He just wont talk! He lies his come downs are so bad he spends majority of his wages and he earns good money too. I can basically catch him red handed but he still wont admit it. Like he think im stupid when i know full well or have evidence. I know ive gone on already but if i actually got it all out id be here all night. I dont know what i actually want to get from posting this maybe its to get alittle bit of my chest so i can go to sleep. Im just so angry at the world and hurt! Some days i just wish i could pack up and run away. Im at the point i hate the village i grew up in a loved. Mojority of the people you pass in the street is rather on it or selling it.

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