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Posts by Livingwithhislies

joined

1 posts in 1 threads

15 years of addiction & lies by

I am not sure what this story is going to look like when finally written as if I finally get to say it out loud. I feel like I have to live a double life because of him and it makes me resent him even more. As I type that sentence I could feel my blood boil. On the outside we seem like the perfect family. The beautiful home and a stable life. 3 amazing lovely well behaved children who are always active with activities. I found out about 7 years ago that my husband was using cocaine. I've been around enough people who have used to know the signs. I noticed change in behavior and so much much more. I think the secretiveness is what burned me up the most. I always feel like he's hiding something. I hate liars and I ended up with one. How could this possibly be real?! We no longer sleep in the same bed. He sleeps downstairs. In which he has easy access to the office computer. Last October I found evidence that he met up with an escort at a hotel. He swears it didnt happen after all because his payment failed. I couldnt feel anything. The most I felt was angry. I couldnt feel hurt. I feel like I've already hurt enough, how much more pain is there to bare. He also drinks and tries to hide that too because I've already explained to him the minute I see him drinking I associate it to him using because that is the routine. I have no clue what to do with this situation. I feel lost and tired of hiding from the world. I do right by people and believe in doing good for people but I always feel like his karma will one day get me. There is so much more to this addiction... this hell.... but I'd be writing a novel.

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