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Posts by Mnon

joined

2 posts in 2 threads

Struggling to know what's right by

Hi, I'm not too sure how to start this, or know what to say exactly... I've been with my boyfriend for 3 years and hes got alcohol issues. It wasn't so bad at first but over the years it got worse, then better, now worse again. I've always been there for him, celebrating the small steps hes taken and been a shoulder to cry on when hes had bad days. He struggles with sevear depression and anxiety which is made worse drinking every night and smoking weed. He says it's the only release he gets from his head and life. Because of this, he doesn't have a job and gets pennies from benefits so we only rely on my wage which isn't a lot and it's made me go into debt, and makes my own depression worse. We argue like cat and dog, things get said and we both end up upset. This last argument we had was over money (which isn't unusual) and he dragged me out of our bed and I flew on the floor because i told him I'm sick of being in debt because of his drinking. This has made me leave. I'm no saint in all of this, I have an addiction to weed as I refuse to drink but smoke weed daily with him, and hes played on that to get what he wants at night despite me saying to him I dont want this life anymore, i want better for us. I also say nasty things towards him when he snaps at me and tells me it's because of me which is why he still drinks/cant stop drinking. I often feel like he is only with me because of me being in work so he has somewhat of a wage to splash on the booze and knows how to get around me to get me to take out loans, something in which I have stopped doing as my debt has gone out of control. I should also point out that he cant take out loans because his credit history is ruined because of his drinking (and before me, gambling) way before we met. The issue is, when things are good, we are good. We laugh, we joke, we are there for each other and are the perfect couple... But I feel like it's all tainted when it gets to 10pm and he goes out to the shop. I feel so alone in all of this because I cant bring myself to tell anyone about his issues as its upto him who to tell. None of my friends or family know anything about his issues. Last year we had about a week break from each other because of his drinking and arguing and i ended up leaving because i got stuck and tired of everything being blamed on me and being told what i can and cant do with my money. I very rarely see any of my friends anymore because I cant afford to go out and do things. I really dont want to give up on him as I can see a future without alcohol, as he was sober for a while and was on a detox program a year or so ago but ended up giving in to temptation. But since then it's almost as if he tells me what I want to hear and then does the opposite or doesn't try and have nights off. I've spoken to him many times as to how I feel and he says he is trying but it's hard. I get this but its still as if he doesn't try. The only time he doesn't drink now is when we have no money left so he cant go and buy alcohol. I just dont know what to do anymore as I'm scared of what will happen if I leave but I cant keep on living my life the way it is anymore. I've just begun what I hope will be an amazing career for me and I dream of owning a house and car, things I now will only find harder because of the debt I now have. I cant lose this job as well because of him either, but I cant lose him because of when we are good. He goes to a councillor and goes to an alcohol support centre, but a lot of the time he cancels last minute because he cant face going unless I force him to go, this happened this morning which started the argument as I was really annoyed he snapped at me when I was trying to get him up saying hes not going. He went, but when he came back the argument continued and what happened, happened. Any advice or help would be really appreciated as this is the first time I've ever spoken about this to anyone other than my own councillor, who said couldn't really help as it's not me who's suffering with alcohol. Thank you.

I don’t want to break up by

Hi, im new to this forum and when i read your story it felt all too familiar with how you are feeling. I've been with my boyfriend for 3 years and he has drinking problems. Whilst it is a constant uphill battle one of the things which is helping both me and him is being brutally honest with each other about how we feel when certain situations arise (this may feel like a silly statement but for me it got to the point where I was recording him drunk then showing him when sober and he was horrified and got to the point where I got him off drinking vodka). I have felt so lonely trying to encourage him and be there for him but some of the time I feel like I am wasting my breath. The only suggestion I can give is maybe going with him to his gp and seeing what they can do to help. They can refer him to places where he can get help coming off alcohol and give him counciling. Another thing which my boyfriend has only recently started doing is going to AA meetings. That is a massive step for him and he wouldn't have got there unless the councillor and his gps help on the way. It has taken him a lot to get to this point and he still hasn't stopped drinking and I can't see him stopping anytime soon as it's a very long road still ahead of him. There is nothing more I would love than for there to be this magic cure which takes affect over night. I hope this helps and stay strong!