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Posts by Noideaforascreenname

joined

6 posts in 4 threads

New to the forum...looking for advice by

Hey, our situations sound really similar and you sound like a very smart and caring partner who can still have “healthy” thoughts about this. I hear you on wanting to feel more prepared to deal with it. I’ve read a ton, watched videos etc, I’ve even been to my own counsellor so I could learn to try and be “cool with it”. We had a situation two months ago when I went away with a girl friend for the night....long story short he used, and there was lies involved of course. I came back the next day dead ass calm and told him that I can’t be with a cocaine user let alone become a blended family and raise 4 kids with one (he has two boys). I tried to avoid coming home and having the talk while he was on a come down, but me not coming home would have been awful for him and I just couldn’t do that (though with hindsight I wish I did). When he’s coming down he’s what I call “flat” for days and says all the right things....and then that disappears and now we’re back in this awkward place where he hasn’t brought it up for weeks and I don’t know if should (like “hey just checking in how’s it going quitting coke”) or if I should just totally ignore it in absence of any “incident” of catching him red handed. Deep down he doesn’t want to quit yet, I know it. He thinks he can use “one in awhile”....even though before quarantine he was using multiple times per week. His job in sales was the issue, always entertaining clients, going to concerts sporting events etc. He was literallly paid to party. He still has his same job, so I told him even though the use is minor now...he’s a fool for thinking he can go back to that environment and not have a weekly or worse habit again. To be clear I mean when our city opens back up, we’re still in strict quarantine right now, working from home, no dine in restaurants etc One of my fears is that I won’t know when to truly leave....when is it really the last chance? I’m sure you can relate, and it’s sucks that the benchmark is “when it impacts your daughter”....that’s mine too. But I wish they’d get it through their heads that rock bottom is when you put down the shovel, not when you let it progress to hurt your family and children! Anyways, long winded way to say that I’m happy to chat and offer support. It’s not easy loving someone with a cocaine issue. I’m trying to find my way through this too. Sometimes, for no reason, I’ll convince myself I’m being stupid and come up with my plan to leave....but then I go back to “well it’s not bad.....yet!”

1 of 7 posts

Signs they’re using coke in your house? by

Thanks! I think I’m pretty good at knowing when he’s right messed up on it through some of the things you point out. He chews tobacco so that covers the jaw symptoms. If he comes home shit faced after a night out with friends that do it, he gets super lovey dovey, saying he loves me ten times and “thank you for loving me”. That’s usually my give away but at that point he’s so wasted it’s obvious. He says why do you care if I do it if I’m nice to you.....but as I’m sure many on here know, the honeymoon will end if his habit gets worse and it will absolutely end up hurting me and our 4 kids. He’s had a daily/multiple times per week habit in his past (a decade ago, got clean he says by changing jobs). If it got that bad once, my logic is it will again if he never gets treatment and is now back in another job where cocaine is all over the place (oil and gas sales) I guess it’s more the “how bad have you hit it in the past from people and what did you get away with” that’s in my mind. Or on the other side, what was hid from you. Like, do people do just small amounts and get away with it all the time with their partners none the wiser? Just thinking they’re in a good mood or whatever? Prior to him I have had zero experience with this stuff, but I’m not a tee totaller. I like to drink and have fun, but I draw the line at hard drugs! Especially when someone has kids

by Hilton

3 of 7 posts

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