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Posts by Notmyrealname


131 posts in 19 threads

Has anyone’s beloved actually quit the cocaine? Or it is just not possible? by

Well himbeere my husband has had some good days but mostly just slipping back into doing it and then saying he’s feeling disappointed in himself. He says the same as yours that he doesn’t actually enjoy doing it much anymore as it’s gone on so long, but it’s a habit, he doesn’t even know why he goes to get it ,he says it’s like an urge he can’t stop himself from going. I don’t see what I can do because I’m at work myself I can’t be there all the time, and even if I could I think it would be torture for both of us trying to supervise someone 24 hours a day, and I don’t want to live like that. So for now I have to try to be optimistic when he’s done well and then suddenly massive disappointment when I realise he’s doing it again. He even acknowledges himself how much it changes him, although I read other people saying that it’s typical of a comedown feeling sorry that they’ve done it once it’s too late, all the regret, but it’s hard to accept as when it’s your own husband you just want to believe them, you want to hope it’s genuine and they won’t do it again because they regret it so much. It honestly is just true that there’s only so much that anyone can put up with.

51 of 250 posts

Codependency and drug abuse by

Saw you comment on another post about your story so came for a read. It’s good you have put all your thoughts down and realised what’s gone wrong. Have you both made a plan now of what you will each do to start making things better as it sounds that you were both involved in what’s been going on so it’s not just on you it’s the pair of you going to have to accept your part in it to move forward I think. You will need to work together if you’re staying together rather than just blaming yourself. I think the more you hang on to the guilty feelings the more likely you are to be doing the things you say you don’t want to do. It sounds like you have lots of good intentions to be a good man, you’ve made some wrong decisions but now you have the chance to make it right. It sounds really positive that you’ve realised how it can affect your daughter and you have that to hold onto, to give you strength moving forward now. Although you say you feel alone you certainly are not, there are a lot of people in the same situation and lots of people on this forum who can chat to you and give you some help and advice or just to read your posts.

1 of 3 posts

Feeling hopeless by

Hi that does sound positive that she’s willing to even talk about getting some help. I imagine it will be a slow process but if she’s taking an interest in it then at least you would be able to try to work with her and not behind her back which you were concerned about. Did you have any with trying to see the doctor? It does sound like the zoom call would be better suited than having to go face to face. Of course It’s good to let it all out as sometimes it does feel very lonely when you’re trying so hard to support someone and it doesn’t always feel like there is any progress. I think it helps to talk though as we aren’t really ever alone there are so many other people going through this.

6 of 13 posts

my story of 7 years with an addict partner. by

Hi David, I know what you mean there are like two people and you do feel like the good one is lost in there. The only thing is they have chosen to be lost as there are people in recovery who choose not to carry on living this way. For me it feels more like being cheated on with all the heart break, the apologies the second chances, The other person sneaking around trying not to get caught. And then when they do get caught they are so sorry and regret it yet they go and do it again. Reading your other answers I would imagine shes only held onto the home, family etc as you have been holding it all together up until 5 weeks ago, I don’t think that she will keep hold of all of this as time goes on. I would say maybe that would be the rock bottom she needs to change her life, but it sounds like that already happened when you met her. In terms of her having a realisation I don’t think that can ever happen while that lifestyle is still what she wants. In all the years my husbands most dramatic improvement has been the last few months when he started to actually want to change himself. Have you been keeping busy since you left? Will your furlough be ending soon?


5 of 277 posts

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