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Posts by Purpleheart

joined

43 posts in 12 threads

Spouse of an addict by

KStar , your words are comforting to me that this end result is possible although I never wanted to “ lose” my OH, but the coke has already done that - he has allowed it . I plan to separate too but I’m not just strong enough to start the ball rolling yet . . When I asked him to leave for the few weeks I felt peace - I could focus on me which meant I was a better calmer mummy -I could of happy carried on like that I think too , and even though he is back and we are only living under a roof at the moment- no relationship . I can’t muster energy to do anything as my thoughts are taken by him and his addiction every single day . DHAC I know exactly what you mean - I carry resentment and anger for him although this man deep down not on drugs is a lovely one - this is what makes me want to look after him still and feel pain at what he’s done to himself. But I can’t stay with him because of this - everyday and every week it’s just hell . I’m numb to it now and can’t ever think how we would go back to being US even if he did kick his habit , I think I would be forever paranoid and on edge ☹️X

by kstar25

2 of 13 posts

OH relapsing ? My paranoia or has he :( by

Thanks both , Hi Mammy hope your doing ok ?. He stayed out last night and came back today . Today he’s in vulnerable mode saying sorry , doing what he can around the house and with the kids . But when it comes to time where we should be discussing us .. he’s fell asleep like normal brushing it all under the carpet AGAIN . My family are now saying I need to leave as there’s no hope . And I know this for sure nearly but I have a Glimmer of hope still regardless of the lies and deceit and he keeps saying it’s work that has pushed him to this using everyday . I just think of him as he was before and it’s caving my head and so I’m not being realistic. I wouldn’t feel like this if I hadn’t of bought into his vow of sobriety last week .I feel weak now and not ready for change but I’m sure things are not going to change with him anytime soon and I need to make the first step to go. I don’t want to but I know I’m stuck in this rut and he keeps taking me for the ride each week for the last year at least . I hated drugs before but I most certainly do now x

Sick and tired by

Mammy I hope you eventually feel strong enough to move on unfortunately I don’t think we will ever find the answers we are looking for . just try and concentrate on you and your babies xx cheers Natasha I have been concentrating on myself and our children but I can’t bear to be around him on that sh1te so I’ve made the decision and if he doesn’t quit I’m gone . We are in bother financially , he’s not lifted a finger at home for about 12 months and then the drugs to top it off. I’m not living my life out as a second to cocaine I cant deal with him as I have to look after my children and myself so I’m here for them . Mammy sending a hug to you , Natasha sending you some strong survivor vibes xx

I’ve left my husband by

Hello , B8988 I know it’s a long time since you posted your thread along with the other ladies but I’m googling at 5am in the morning with the exact same scenario on my hands at the minute . 18 months I’ve had my husband lying to me , uses everyday saying it’s work stress that causes it , then comes home disengaged with our two young boys and does nothing to help me around the house . Just watches me run myself into the ground in the same cycle . He’s recently gone to the NHS drugs program but I’ve seen absolutely no improvement , the lies are still coming . He’s spending around £900 a month on coke . I am so lonely , fed up and his addiction is tarnishing everyday of my life . I’m stressed around my kids constantly and everyday is another acting role . I see you ladies posted these in 2019 . How are you all now ? Where are you up to in life ? I’m looking for hope I guess - deep down I’m ready to pack in our marriage I think I can’t take much more x

Boyfriend addicted to cocaine and alcohol. by

I’m sorry you are going through this . And this is going to seem harsh what I say but as the poster above said - Run .. for the hills . You can’t build a future with someone who’s wrapped up in this and if you do the rapid ageing will be effecting you too .. you know you won’t be able to trust him and it sounds like he’s no where near the point of being himself get off the stuff or booze. Why put yourself through all that - you deserve so much more you don’t need to settle. Please consider - because if you get further down the line marriage and then kids - it gets really tricky and heartbreaking ( I know this ) much love , sending strength xxxx

1 of 6 posts

My partner is addicted to cocaine by

I’m following your thread as again I’m of a similar story . But mine lies and lies until I actually find the stuff. I’m constantly on edge a d I’m so tired as o have two kids 5 and under. I’ve come to the realisation he’s never going to look after me as we get old. I no think I may of mentally switched off to my husband now . I love him but not enough to keep taking every lie or drama he throws at me . Sending strength chuck . Xx

1 of 21 posts

Husband just relapsed by

Hi, I’m in the same predicament right now as you - I found out my husband had a coke problem at Christmas but he also drinks nearly every night . He refused professional help though and said he was managing it himself . But Over the months I’ve just found myself watching him, looking for clues all the time and so much resentment because I feel like he’s smashed our bubble ( I know that sounds selfish don’t mean to be). Last night whilst I was on a mums night out he dropped off the waggon and unbeknown to me was using and drinking very heavily whilst our little kids were in bed. He has his own business that has suffered since covid and the last couple of months he can’t get up in a morning and fobs work off at the drop of a hat . Now we have cash flow issues and I rely on him financially since we had our kids . He’s been quite aggressive in arguments last few weeks too I should of clicked sooner really . I’m shattered , I have no more tears and I can’t bear to think of my life running the same circle for the next umpteen years. I’m frightened too that my boys will click on to his boozing and even the drugs as they get older. I feel your pain - I have no advice I’m sorry but you are strong and you will get past this eventually - sending love and strength xx

1 of 2 posts

My lack of trust is destroying us - coke by

DaveD thanks for the words I appreciate another view . I know deep down he’s likely to be lying as for someone who did it everyday for god knows how long to just cut it completely - I can’t buy into it . I’m still watching him and I’ve ended up yet again saying I don’t trust him . He’s come home numerous nights again looking not just right still .. but drinking every night I honestly can’t tell the difference and have asked him to have a night of the drink to see my actual husband without a drop of booze . And then This is how I’m hanging on by a thread during an argument - telling him I want him to take a home drugs test to prove himself .. as I write this I know I sound neurotic . But he’s still deleting the “coke mates “ messages (he doesn’t know I know that ). And every night/morning we have this running nose from hay fever!! I’m trying to care for my small kids , run a house and keep my job and just basically keeping the front up to the outside world . I feel like if I take my eye off the ball and let this sink in - it’s going to engulf me and I have no one to talk to. Bottom line - think I’m just waiting to find the next thing .. CLB - it’s a hard place where we sit . Sounds so similar . It’s horrendous and I’m sorry your going through this too . Don’t doubt yourself - you have given as much as you can . The rest is up to him and that’s his choice if that’s with or without you as brutal as that sounds . Wishing you lots of luck and strength x

by DaveD

2 of 5 posts

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