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Posts by Purrdy


1 posts in 1 threads

Here I go... by

I wrote this as a reply to another person but thought it pertinent to add it as a story in its own right... Hi I have been taking over 300mg of codeine daily along with brufen and codeine X 4 plus 3 paracetamol and codeine, and 1/4 bottle of benylin. plus nighttime sleep aid and the odd glass of alcohol which dent really affect me I am not proud of this. I too got these awful pills to medicate and to manage pain. The onset of menopause and very low iron left me with chronic joint pains. SO the Dr prescribed me 84 tablets at a time every 2 weeks for 3 YEARS!!!!. I then brought more on line to supplement my dwindling stock. It has reached a point where i cannot remember things, i feel desperately miserable have had suicidal thoughts recently. I am addictions counsellor trained... you d think i would know better right? well wrong. The codiene initially worked and i used it therapeutically , but now i am taking it to feel NORMAL...whatever that means. I take them all in one go in the morning to feel normal. i wash the lot down with coffee on the way to work. I feel like its been a dirty little secret. my guts would swell up and id feel nauseas for hours, getting more and more fidgety and anxious as the day went on.. SO...i told my best friend....then i told my husband and i made an apt at a treatment centre. I am going to rehab on Friday. I tried to cut down but i couldn't cope, i couldn't afford to buy anymore on line so the benylin takes the edge off the withdrawal. I dont eat properly, i have lost interest in all of my leisure pursuits and my as a result has left me isolated. I am going to fully engage with the programme they offer, its a non 12 step facility as i couldn't possibly stomach the 12 step thing again...YET... Thats not to say that i will undoubtedly engage with social support once i get home. Its costing a ridiculous amount of money, but its been a long time coming and i feel that i am worth it. Today i called my GP and asked them to take the repeat prescription off my repeat...they didn't even call to see why...especially after being on them for 3 years solid! I am talented, intelligent and addicted to prescription drugs which are eating me alive. i have asked for help. Im desperately worried about what i will tell work..I am part time but i have to go in tomorrow and explain why i need 4 weeks off!! I am going to lie just now as im new in post and i do not want this all over my med records. it doesn't sit comfortably with me but i cannot afford to lose my job its the best job ive ever had and a catalyst to spur me onto getting well I am looking forward to my next adventure and engaging with people who are just like me...talented intelligent and kind..... Today i followed my gut instinct about telling work that i need some time off from my job... I had broken my heart over how i was going to disclose my issue with prescription drugs to my manager. Ive only been in post for 4 months!! i am lucky that i had some guidance from a dear friend who i met while i was training in addictions counselling, i asked her if i should tell them she suggested that i look at our policy on drug/alcohol and my contract both of which i did. On paper they looked supportive, my next move was to call HR and run the story past them as a third party. However after speaking with them for a very short while i came clean and told them that over time i had developed an issue with prescribed medications. I then went on to tell my line manager who was AMAZING! she told me that when i asked to see her that she thought i wanted to leave the post!! anyway after telling her we have agreed to meet the day before i go to rehab for a handover and the rest is now up to me. I already feel the weight of the world has been lifted off my shoulders, she said to me this is only temporary! you will recover from this...and i will. I hope that this brings some of you some hope that there is help out there and that people really do want to help and see you get better...My addled brain just seemed to seek out the worst case scenario to ensure i kept my secret and maybe carried on limping along..for me telling my employer was right and it had freed my mind to concentrating on getting better. The next few weeks are going to be quite a journey for me. I have so much to look forward to, im terrified but hopeful. Good luck to you all Purrdy

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