Talk about your experiences with others.

Posts by ThisTim3

joined

36 posts in 21 threads

Unhappy by

So long ago, but I don't remember talking with him about it much. I was too scared. I was too scared to know what was happening with him. He told me that he loved me and that he would quit, I wanted to believe him, so I left him alone. I started attending NarAnon meetings every week for several years, enjoyed our children, prayed for us, and worked at different jobs. We never talked about it - for decades. Despite all of the horror of it, looking back, I have many happy memories. I love him, I love all the happy times we had after he quit. I remember these arguments we would have when he was on the coke and I would think then that I don't want to argue with him. What can I do, so that we don't argue about whatever it was ever again. And I would make another decision, then we wouldn't have that argument anymore. There is many choices that you can make. It's not just stay or leave him/her. A NarAnon saying is 'One Day At A Time', but sometimes it really is 'One Moment At A Time'.

The Betrayal by

Last night he told me that it wasn't him. The coke took him over and the person he became was not him. So scary. Who was he then? I asked him again after waiting years for the answer to the question that I had asked so many times - and that he had avoided answering so many times. I knew the answer. I needed to hear him say it. How did he feel about me when he was using coke. That is the question that I needed to know all these years. Last night he told me. He told me that he didn't care about me at all. I knew it, I felt it, I lived it, he just said it. It hurts. I needed to hear him say it. After years of being with him, being happy together, trying for many months to be pregnant, feeling so happy that we were expecting, then so overwhelmed with morning sickness, he was then emotionally and physically gone from me. I was alone and scared. I finally have his answer - decades later.

7 of 16 posts

Hold my hand. Cocaine boyfriend by

Hi NikkiC: NarAnon helped me SO much when my husband finally told me that he was using cocaine all those years ago. I don't know how I could have gotten through the years after without this group. So scary to learn that someone you love so much is addicted. He quit pretty much all on his own, but he's never really been the same. Recently he has been suffering from paranoia - panic attacks. He has begun seeing a therapist, which hasn't happened since he quit using more than 3 decades ago. These last few years we started talking about this time of our lives and he shared many things that I didn't know before. I think this stirred it all up in him and he seems to be traumatized by his behavior during those years. I'll never know everything, but the look on his face when he talks and/or is thinking about this is a look of horror and deep sadness.

1 of 13 posts

My husband the addict by

Babymama: Your message is so sad. The love that you have for your family will get you through this. The answers that you need will come to you, but you must try to calm yourself first. Try not to react to whatever your husband is doing and stay in the moment with your children. You won't regret it. Your husband will do whatever he will do, you can only control what you do and how you decide to live your life one day at a time. The years with your young children are priceless and the time goes by so fast.

1 of 2 posts

Boyfriend with cocaine addiction by

Thanks, JamesB, your words help immensely. I've been struggling with it all over again after almost 40 years. He confessed to cocaine, cleaned up, things got better, we moved on. We hadn't even talked about it - for decades. He became a loving husband and father, and then recently I found out that he had cheated on me numerous times during those difficult years - and, it all just slammed back into me. All those so hard days and nights, he was awful and I couldn't figure it out. I have never even seen him use it - ever. He deserves forgiveness, and I believe that he feels ashamed of what happened all those years ago. And, if he could change it - he would. However, I don't believe that you can heal from some things. If your child or parent passes away, you're not gonna heal. That will always hurt. It can't be changed - as your loved one is not coming back. He can't change what he did. The best hope is acceptance, be realistic. Then make your decisions. Most are not going to win this battle.

Boyfriend cheated on me with an escort under the influence of substance by

All true. If I could have trusted my own self all those years ago, I would have left him then. I even know how I could have. I have recently planned it all out. No other choice, as this is a battle that realistically not many win. And yet, we had, maybe, one of the best outcomes as he quit the coke more then 30 years ago (except for 2 very short relapses). As bad as it was, our story could have been so much worse. Still it is hard to believe eventhough I know now it is true - this scenario that Esta describes. We were together years before the coke years. This coke shit is capable (and did) of turning him into this horror show. It could happen to anyone. It leaves me with a old wound. Ripped wide open - bigger then before. I trusted him, which I'm supposed to. He is my husband. I have been living a life that didn't include the whole truth. How can I make myself better with it all? I have to, I want to. I believe it is possible to heal from this, but not sure exactly how.

by Esta

2 of 12 posts

My husband is dying by

Hi Vicki, So sorry that you are going thru this. I went thru a similar situation when my mother was sick and passed away 7 years ago. Comments from others felt uncomfortable while I tried to reconcile myself to this tragedy. I still feel that I did the best that I could with the circumstances even though I did not go to her bedside after years of being estranged. I loved her and love her still. Don't be hard on yourself. Everybody has to find their own way thru these situations and do what feels right for themselves.

1 of 2 posts

We use optional analytics cookies to help us improve our site by collecting and reporting anonymous information on how you use it.