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Posts by debbieg2020

joined

115 posts in 6 threads

So hard to leave by

Firstly I am so sorry that you are in this situation with a young child and I might as well have written your post except that I don't have kids with him and we are in are 50's - I met him 4 years ago and have been married for 2. I found out that he had taken coke not too long after I met him and was really surprised and shocked to find 2 wraps (I think they are called) hidden in his cupboard which bought up red flags for me. I have since found out quite a few times when he has taken it and the last time we split up about 7 weeks ago and he said he had hit rock bottom but even when we had split for 2 weeks he still took it with his son whose 21 and his son's friends when they were playing poker at his mums house. Shocking for his poor mum as she already has another divorced son living with her who is an ex addict and alcoholic. It would kill her if she found out about my husband too. I since found out that 2 weeks ago he bumped into someone (presumably a dealer) at a pub and said he was given 2 lines but didn't buy any but I guess that it triggered a craving as this weekend he was so awful to me that I secretly tested his urine and it came back positive. He denied it said the test was faulty and got so angry with me. I really don't want this stress in my life and am slowly checking out even though I love him very much and like you I feel exhausted x

My husband and cocaine by

So today he is acting as if nothing has happened and still has not admitted to me that he has a problem. I just don't know where to go from here. I want to say so much to him but he just gets angry and I wouldn't trust that lies weren't coming out of his mouth. I want to know if he owes money to dealers, how much he is in debt on credit cards and his bank, how often he has been taking it, how long he has been taking it, if he wants to stop (which I don't think he does). I want to say I don't want class A drugs in my house. I want him to sign a post nuptial to protect myself. I want him to say to his son not to bring any coke near him. I want a happy life going forwards but I don't think I could ever trust him not to relapse going forward. I think my mental health has hit the bottom and I just don't know what to do. I wish I could be strong enough to say this isn't what I want out of life and to leave him when we get back from holiday. It's all such a mess and I am reading so many unhappy situations on here -sorry for the rant x

by Smile1

108 of 637 posts

Cocaine using Wife by

I agree it's the lies and how easily they come out of his mouth when I actually know the truth. Then there is the absolutely awful tirade of insults and I'm sitting there listening to them as he won't let me say my piece and even if I do manage to get a word in they are not listened too and god forbid I say or do anything wrong it is repeatedly bought up and how everything is twisted around to be my fault even though he started it by taking coke or causing the argument. I think that while he is on it, the come down and then the craving are all just as bad. He stopped taking it for 7 weeks and I had my old husband back. This was after we had our last separation because I found out he had taken it and he wouldn't talk and he left but in the end it was my fault!! And now yet another promise broken this week I found out yet again that he had taken it. I am slowly starting to think that I can't carry on with this yo yo nasty life anymore. We are going on our honeymoon in 2 weeks and I'm pretty sure that it will be lovely as there is no way he will be able to get drugs where we are going and then when we get back and when another episode happens I am going to rethink my whole life. I like you have been a mentally strong person but I am beginning to lose all that and am so stressed because of everything. My kids hate him as they see how he is treating me which is very sad as they used to love him. He says when he takes it he isn't harming anyone but is blind to see how he behaves. I wish I could record him and play it back when he is sober. I think he would be totally shocked. He comes from a good family and has a responsible job but weirdly his brother is also an ex coke addict and alcoholic and now divorced and living with his mum. Its awful how we have to be so suspicious and test and swab. I just want a normal life with a loving husband who isn't broke all the time. Like you I don't know how long he has been taking it but I think for the whole of the 4 years we have been together as I found it a few times before we married. I wish sometimes that we had never married as it would be so much easier to just walk away if or when I have too. Also like your wife he never admits to having a problem and won't talk about it. I just wish I knew the whole truth as it would make things a lot easier instead of trying to second guess all the time and also like your wife he is so angry at me for trying to stop him from taking it and says I am controlling and he is not my prisoner. I believe they have to hit rock bottom which is what I thought had happened last time before they can admit to having a problem. I have attended several cocaineanonymous meetings online and it is ok to attend if it is an open meeting and it has helped to see things from an addicts point of view and they are all very helpful and friendly. I think it is incredibly hard for an addict to just stop on their own although on another thread on here there is one lovely lady whose husband has stopped on his own. its a nasty evil drug that hijacks their brain and consumes their lives and lives of their partners and families. Never in a million years did I think I would be in this situation especially in my 50's. I look at friends in second marriages and partnerships and I envy how their life is so normal and happy. Sorry for rambling on and I really hope things get better for you x

2 of 7 posts

My cocaine addict partner by

Hi Jaynie. Your story is identical to mine. I am at a loss as to what to do - I want to say to leave but like you I love him very much even though he always turns things round to be my fault and like you I feel like I am walking on eggshells and don't want to say anything that may be antagonistic to him. He has promised me on 5 occasions within the last 4 years that I met him that he won't do it again and the last time about 6 weeks ago he promised me again and was very remorseful. But I have go evidence that he has been using again and not stopped since then even though he saw how much it affected me as I had my first proper panic attack and went into shock. I have been having counselling and she has helped me to step back from the situation and not react straight away. I have also been going to Alanon meetings online which is a support group for families or friends of addicts and also to narcotic or cocaine anon open meetings which is also online to try to understand the mind of an addict. All these are very helpful and I would suggest you try them although it still doesn't help that you are living with a deceitful lying addict x

1 of 35 posts

Cocaine husband I need some advice :-( by

I have sat here reading this forum for the last half an hour and can relate to so many of the stories. I have been with my husband for nearly 4 years, married for just over one (second marriages for both of us). There have been a few times that I have discovered that he has had cocaine packages - more by him not hiding them well enough. He has been so remorseful each time. The second last time was a week after we married as it fell out of his pyjama pocket that I was tidying up. Again extremely remorseful. He promised me that he wouldn't take it again but recently I became suspicious again as he was sleeping a lot through the weekend in the daytimes and staying up late and also being very condescending to me and blaming me for things and generally being in a bad mood so unlike the person I first met. I found it again but this time he shouted at me and making me feel guilty. Everything was a bit of a blur and once again he said he would stop and that he had been taking it again for 4 months. I actually don't believe he ever stopped taking it ever since we met. I bought some cocaine test strips and have tested his wee in the loo without his knowledge as he doesn't flush in the night to avoid waking me. I started testing before Christmas and the last one was today and every single one has tested positive. I haven't confronted him and really don't know what to do from now. Its tearing me apart and fills every waking hour of my life at the moment. He stays in London 2 nights a week for work and when I speak to him he is loving and caring but I know that he is still taking it. Any advice would be greatly appreciated. As with most of us on here I am in love with my husband but don't know how long I can continue to live this life as it's tearing me apart x

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