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Posts by ftthmh

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Am I over thinking this... by

I've been with my husband for years but no children, we love each other very much and we can be quite happy, apart from the problem with alcohol. I have never been a big drinker, nor have I come from a family who drinks a lot. We like a couple here and there, but to be quite honest I spent a lot of time not drinking, just because it didn't interest me. Him, on the other hand, is the polar opposite, comes from a family of people who drink to access. He almost sees me as odd because I don't but I completely get why people like a drink, as I do sometimes. When we were a bit younger, I'd lose him for days. He'd go out for a few and not come home, or he'd crawl in an absolute mess. I could never get hold of him because he would just ignore me, as he knew he'd be in trouble I assume. I then spent ages calling around his friends because I'd fear the worst. We've had trips booked and he knows about them, and we'd be leaving to go early and he'd crawl in absolutely smashed after saying he'd go for a few. Ultimately meaning we couldn't go. This has been happening on and off for the past 7 years. Normally it'll happen, I'll get let down because I've stupidly relied on him, we'll talk it out and we sail along fine until it happens a few months later. I've found my bottles of alcohol polished off without me knowing so I don't buy alcohol at all. He does, and I notice he has to have them all. He basically goes off the rails with alcohol and forgets about the impact it has on others. It makes me so mad meaning I'm going to be grumpy. I've tried to keep my cool but it's so hard when it happens. He then spends days feeling sorry for himself, not looking after himself and never doing any housework and I'm left with everything. All came to blows a few months ago when he said he was doing one thing and was actually at the pub early lunch meeting people. So I packed my bags and left the house to stay with friends. I told him I needed space away. He finally agreed with me that perhaps he needs help. He drinks when he is sad and when he is happy and has no stopping point. I've flagged this so many times I'm exhausted from it. I've tried not to push him into anything as I know it needs to come from him, he started following the alcoholics pathway or steps and was doing so well. Then started drinking again. Presently, he trying to find a balance, he has realized he has a problem stopping so is limiting himself. It has been working, but I really really can see him struggling to hold back and say no more. And here we are today. Basically, he has crushed me emotionally without realizing, meaning anything to do with alcohol and him is tainted for me. Every time drink is involved or he is around others drinking I basically lose my husband or I worry I will. I've caught him after a night out meeting mates in the pub having a pint at 11.30am. None of his family see it as an issue because they're all like it, mine are happy to help but don't want to get involved unless last resort and none of his friends realize how bad this is to me. Thing is I'm looking horrendous to everyone because I'm left feeling so low and upset, but nobody understands my situation and what I'm coping with. I'm so embarrassed and alone. Am I just being a nag or is this someone with a problem? And if it is a problem what do I do next as obviously I want to help.