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Posts by jacjacjac


6 posts in 2 threads

At my wits end by

Our situations are so similar, my husband also has his own business and we are better off financially than we have ever been, but I think it’s actually worse because he spends more when he’s on a bender. He won’t stop until the money runs out which is why he doesn’t want access to cash or cards. I’m like Sherlock Holmes when it comes to drugs so I know exactly when he’s used and when he hasn’t. I think doing this for so many years I’ve become super aware of the signs. He’s 100% an addict, he has used daily in the past and once an addict always an addict. He clearly has some level of self control, and I would say these were just relapses on his way to recovery but he’s just ignoring the problem until it overwhelms him and then he doesn’t have the tools to fight it. Has your husband tried meetings or counselling? Mine has tried both but never follows through, his heart just isn’t in it. The latest binge came after I went out for a rare dinner with my friends. I left him with my kids, worrying the whole time. I got home at 10pm, went in to find him but he’d hidden in the bathroom and then bolted out the door before I could stop him. Unbeknownst to me he’s got £200 cash from a job earlier that day, and the fact I was going out planted the seed and he couldn’t stop himself apparently. He was uncontactable all night, until at 5am he called me saying he was in trouble and owed a dealer money and asked me to transfer cash to this dealer. I said no. Turns out it was all lies and he got home at 10am. That was two weeks ago. I just don’t understand how he can have the self control not to use in the house while he’s responsible for the kids but he can’t have the self control to not disappear all night? I’m terrified he’s going to have a heart attack or get into trouble with these scumbags he’s mixing with. Your bang on about not making empty threats. I’ve threatened to kick him out so many times and he’s admitted that when he’s given in to the drugs that the little devil on his shoulder tells him I’ll forgive him like I always do. I talk to him about how I feel all the time but he’s not receptive. It pains him to talk about it and he just clams up, he can’t even look me in the face. I’ve stayed all this time because of all the reasons you’ve listed, but I worry about the long term effects on my kids. I also feel that if he leaves it will be the thing that is needed to finally kick his addiction. I feel very bitter right now. I’ve always lived right and been sensible and it’s just unfair that we should have to suffer for our partners bad choices. Do you have any support from family? My mum and sister have been amazingly supportive I can’t imagine going through this without anyone to talk to xxx

5 of 21 posts

My husband died by

This is my first post to this forum. Your husband and my husband could be the same person, same age, same all night benders, getting cocaine from prostitutes, having control of the finances and what you have described is my worst fear. My heart hurts for you. I’m so sorry for the pain and the loss that you have experienced. You must have so many unanswered questions and such anger towards your husband, but at the same time mourning the man you married. Cocaine to me is like a demon. It preys on those with addictive personalities and overtakes every good thing in that persons life, and ruins the lives of those around them and its effects can last for generations. I pray that you can find some peace and happiness in the future. Sending all my love and support.

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