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Posts by lizzie1210

joined

12 posts in 8 threads

How harsh are you with your addict relatives? by

I’ve just been to see my elderly parents for the first time since lockdown and I’m horrified to see the stress my brother is causing them with constant requests for money and not taking care of himself due to his coke habit. I want to get on the phone to him and send him a long message telling him how concerned I am and that he needs to pull himself together and start taking steps forward - he has a huge support network of a support worker for mental health, amazing mates and a good family. Part of me thinks there’s no point though and he’ll just get upset and use it as an excuse for a bender. But my parents tiptoe around him and continue to give money and this needs to stop. I know I can’t control or cure his addiction but he needs to wake up

1 of 1 post

How can I stop this? by

You need to maintain boundaries. Speak to someone for support if that helps. I’ve seen a counsellor due to my brother and she’s made me better at being able to say no to him. I used to get the requests for money and really worry about him and what would happen if I didn’t give him money - would he get in trouble with his dealer, etc etc, but honestly, now I know that this is not my problem. I don’t need to speak to him to see why he needs the money and listen to his sob stories. The way he is living is not normal and not acceptable and I feel that getting wrapped up in the drama of it helps legitimise the lifestyle. You need to do whatever it takes to build the strength to refuse. You cannot get into debt over this, it simply isn’t on. There are choices he could be making to get support to deal with cravings and if he is choosing not to do this then it is his problem not yours. Sorry if I sound harsh, I’ve been having this discussion with a relative and I’m sick of them getting away with treating us like cash machines

1 of 5 posts

Another request for money by

Thanks for your reply. I didn't give money in the end. I messaged to see how he was doing and if he got to the dentist but got no response. It's so frustrating that he is making life so much harder for himself. He says he hasn't used for a while but I'm not sure what to believe. And if he does get clean then it won't last because he's not taking up support with CA, so he's not learning about how to cope with triggers or what to do when he's feeling low. I felt sad today - the sun was out and there were so many groups of lads out enjoying themselves. He's still young and should be out having fun not shut away on his own in his dirty house, it's just so sad.

by

3 of 7 posts

Has anyone’s beloved actually quit the cocaine? Or it is just not possible? by

My sibling who is a heavy coke addict has compulsive movements and verbal tics as a result of using. There are also mental health issues and psychosis as a result so I'm not sure how much is due to the coke or the mental health. It's hideous. Someone who knows more than me might be able to say if it is linked to overdose, though from my understanding it was from long term usage

by Cxxx

1 of 256 posts

My son and cocaine by

Hi Catsmum I had to do a double take on reading this, because it sounded so much like my family's story. I'm the sibling of a coke and alcohol addict and Debc has it right by saying that it's like living in hell. The constant worry is overwhelming. As a sibling I fear for what this is doing to my elderly parents' health. The main thing to remember is that you can't cure or control it and your first priority needs to be taking care of your own health, as does your husband. If you have other children then take it from me, they will appreciate seeing you looking after yourself and setting some boundaries with your son. Counselling has helped me to learn better boundaries and not feeling guilty for needing to step back when my own mental health was suffering

Cocaine has wrecked mental health by

My brother has been battling cocaine addiction for years now and it's completely wrecked both his physical and mental health, to the point where he has psychosis. I find it really scary - he can completely lose touch with reality and have horrible delusions. He really isolates himself in these episodes, and between that and lockdown I've not had much contact with him. On the rare occasions I do hear from him I panic if his name comes up on my phone because I assume it will be an odd message, a request for money or bad news. Is there anyone who has experienced this with a relative and come out the other side? He's got a mental health nurse assigned to him, but he refuses treatment and won't go to appointments, so there's only so much we can do. It's hard to tell now how much is the coke and how much is mental health. I don't know if this is just it now for the long term and he will always be ill, or if he can stay sober and his mind will 'normalise.' It's just a horrible situation and I don't see it getting better any time soon.

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My boyfriend uses cocaine 2-3 times a week by

Hollie, if you don't mind me saying, it seems as though there are quite a few red flags aside from the cocaine and binge drinking. Cheating whilst you are official and being unkind to you. You say that this has affected your confidence. You're relatively early on in the relationship, and that should be when he's on 'best behaviour' and still in the honeymoon phase. Honestly, if it was a friend telling me this I would be upset to hear that she was being treated in this way. I have a close relative addicted to cocaine and alcohol and he simply can't sustain a relationship. To be honest, I don't blame the few girls he has seen over the last few years who have left him, because the drugs make him a very difficult person to be around. He is unpredictable, paranoid and unreliable due to his illness. I'd say that if you had been together for years or had kids together then it may be different, but this early on it may be better to step back. You deserve to be with someone who doesn't put you down, someone who can make an effort for you. When lockdown ends, you want to be able to go out on dates at the weekend not waiting for him to sleep off the effects of his comedown. You can point him in the direction of support services, but it will be down to him to commit to changing his behaviour.

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