How to feel about it? by HolKatI can really identify with how you are feeling as I am having the same internal debate. My husband has just relapsed after around 3 weeks off alcohol. He has once again been lying to me and hiding his drinking from me. I had a good chat with my best friend about it who is very upset about the impact his decisions are having on me and she feels very strongly that he is choosing to drink and therefore choosing to upset me. I know that if the roles were reversed I would be saying the same thing to her. However the research I am doing clearly points to the illness making these decisions and that my husband is simply not capable of making good choices when he is so addicted. I know that he is a wonderful person and he is more miserable than anyone about the situation. I just don't know if I am making excuses for him when I should be holding him accountable.