Congratulations to Family Voices 2024 runner-up, Jude Lockwood with her entry, Adrift.
Adfam’s Family Voices Competition is a poetry and creative writing competition, for families affected by substance use to share their story and creatively express their thoughts and feelings.
Jude was selected by the judging panel as one of the runners-up for 2024, and had her entry read out at Adfam’s Christmas Carol Concert on 12th December. You can read the entry below:
Adrift
by Jude Lockwood
I can’t begin to describe how I feel.
The wound is too deep, too infected to heal.
Disappointment, sadness, anger, defeat.
These are all realities I need to delete.
I’m living in a capsule of utter despair,
Every molecule of melancholy laid exposed and bare.
My heart is heavy, my tears are flowing.
Panic inside of me swelling and growing.
Will this nightmare never end?
It’s an alien existence that I can’t comprehend.
To witness a life being destroyed by drink,
Dangling on a precipice, stepping on the brink,
All hope disappears, you’re left feeling scared.
It’s impossible to feel positive, no emotion is spared.
There are twists and turns of every kind,
Plenty of negatives to blow your mind.
It imprisons your heart, leaving you bereft
Wondering what emotional part of you will be left.
My lovely son, you’re breaking my heart.
It’s worse when you’re with me than when we’re apart.
To see you struggle with life every day
Your whole future seems futile and grey.
I can’t seem to reach the son I once knew.
What you are going through, I haven’t a clue.
I experienced anxiety a long time ago,
Feeling depressed and extremely low.
But your problems go much deeper than that,
Your whole demeanor is colourless and flat.
It’s hard to look at your troubled face,
Eyes staring blindly into space.
No energy and all enthusiasm gone.
What’s troubling you my precious son?
A mum wants to see her child flourish and thrive,
To enjoy the world and be alive.
From the moment of conception to the baby’s birth,
A child is the most cherished soul on earth.
Suddenly!
Out of the blue enough is enough.
Rehab is available but it’s going to be tough.
You’ve found your sensible head, heard the bigger voice,
You’ve thought about it carefully and made the wisest choice.
Alcohol is the enemy, not your family.
Knowing it will destroy you if you ignore reality.
Alcohol is a parasite that diminishes your life,
Cuts through existence like a sharp bladed knife.
You’re fighting with all the strength you can muster.
You’re showing resolve and not lack lustre.
Focusing on the positives that life can offer.
Dispelling the negatives and refusing to suffer.