Hi Tere and Coffee,
Thanks for sharing your stories. Maybe you would like to be able to talk with someone who would understand what you are going through who would not be at all judgemental.
I work for The Icarus Trust which is a charity that supports people who are dealing with a family member or friend’s addiction because we know how hard this is. We have trained experienced people who you could talk with if you think it would be helpful and that might help you to make sense of things and know what other support is available.
You can contact us on help@icarustrust.org or visit the website http://www.icarustrust.org
I hope this is helpful. Good luck.