Dear Millie,
Thankyou for sharing your heartbreaking story. I am sorry that life must seem very tough for you right now.
It really sounds like you could do with some help for yourself. I’m wondering whether you have spoken to your GP ? Or you might like to contact The Icarus Trust. We are a charity that supports the families and friends of addicts. We have people you could talk to if you think that would be helpful. Maybe that would help you to feel not so alone.
You can contact us on help@icarustrust.org or visit the website http://www.icarustrust.org
All the very best.