Dear ButtonBoy,
I am so sorry to hear this. You haven’t done anything wrong and trust me I have spent many nights asking myself the very same thing. I have 2 sons both so different. one doing really well and the other 23 is spiralling more and more out of control. I did nothing differently and they have both been given every opportunity and so much love by all of the family. It is heartbreaking. He too hid his addiction to drugs for several years whilst away at University and despite going through rehab he has gradually deteriorated again. He has lost most of his friends and is about to lose his job ( again) . Only this week was thrown out of a club for using this week and was beaten up and left on the street even that didn’t make him wake up! He is wallowing in a pit of misery, ketamine, cocaine and alcohol and says he is ‘partying!!!!’ I too dread the weekends and spend most of the time wondering where he is or waiting to get calls I’d rather not take. My son too is anxious, depressed and I sadly cannot trust a thing he says. At this very moment he is trying to get money out of me… Word too has spread in our town about my son’s behaviour which is becoming increasingly sad and I struggle to face people in case they ask the dreaded how are the boys doing…..
I have been speaking to the Icarus trust they have been incredibly kind and supportive and just talking through things with one of their counsellors. He has gone some way into making me realise that until my son wants to change I can’t do anything. I have to try live my life and take a step back, but this is incredibly hard. I too dread the weekends and the states I find him in. All the nights I’ve picked him up and ‘saved’ him have not made any difference and until he decides he wants help I’ve got to leave him to it.They also say that until we stop saving them and they realise the consequence of their actions they will not change. It’s heartbreaking isn’t it, what a waste of a life! Have you spoken to anyone? My doctor is great but there is little help out there if they do not want to change .Aside from locking them away under house arrest when they are adults what can you do? Smart recovery have a family and friends online support on a Monday evening that I sometimes dial into. It’s useful to listen and get some practical tips about how to cope. But please remember you didn’t do anything wrong, I think our kids were vulnerable and cocaine is pure evil!