I thought I’d write where I am now.
Its not been an easy couple of weeks AND its not gone as planned.
But…I am now at 180mg per day after having a relapse a weeks ago. I was very frustrasted with myself. I took a larger amount of codeine after an hour justifying it to myself (I hurt myself doing sport). I had the tablets available so was able to just take what I wanted.
To avoid this mistake I now have calculated what I need to taper down to and disposed of the rest.
The last week was absolute hell as I took a much shorter taper to get back to where I am now after relapsing – dropping 30mg a day. The worst was the depression. The other physical symptoms were hard, but I’ve sort of accepted them as part of life – that way they don’t seem like a shock when I wake up. Unfortunately the depression has led me to self-harm quite a lot and I have cut myself all along one arm – I have to wear a bandage as my workplace is not one where any weakness, mental especially is tolerated. The urge to self harm has now gone – like a switch. I take the maximum recommended dose of 5-HTP and it works like magic….if you remember to take it.
I’m still shaking, and hot and cold etc etc, but I feel I can see the end now of the physical part of the dependency. In two weeks I will be completely clean if my taper plan works. Because I really hate this drug and I never want to go through this experience again I am hoping this will help with the psychological dependency that will be a ‘thing’, no doubt. I can’t actually afford to buy anymore codeine – so there’s that. If i ever find myself thinking about buying more, I threaten myself that I will add up what I have spent. That seems to do the trick for now.