Hi Jennifer,
I’m sorry to read your post and to hear how badly your son’s addictions are affecting you. You definitely are not pathetic, as what you are dealing with is very hard.
Maybe you would like to have some help for yourself. If so please contact us at The Icarus Trust. We are a charity that provides support for people ,like you, who have to deal with the impact of a family member’s addictions. We can pass you on to one of our experienced trained people who you could talk to and who would tell you what other help is available. Maybe that would help you not to feel so alone and help you to stay strong.
You can contact us on help@icarustrust.org or visit the website http://www.icarustrust.org
Wishing you all the best.