Hi Georgia,
I can see from your post just how much you are struggling to cope with your husband’s drinking and drug taking which is not easy to deal with. It really sounds like you could do with some help for yourself and I wonder if you would like to contact us at The Icarus Trust.
We are a charity that provides support for people dealing with the addictions of a family member or friend. We know how hard it is to be in your situation and if you contact us you could be assigned to one of our experienced trained people. You could talk with them in confidence and that might help you make sense of your feelings and decide what to do next.
You can contact us on help@icarustrust.org or visit the website http://www.icarustrust.org
I hope this is helpful. good luck.