Hi yes I love him more than anything and I know he does me. It’s just I don’t understand it, he says when you get the thought in your head to use, you can’t stop from using even though you don’t want to, your brain makes you think you do. He says you kid yourself too thinking 2 lines will be ok, but it never is, then you kick yourself when you’ve used but then you’re feeling anxious and need alcohol to calm you down or more coke. It’s a big cycle really. He says if he feels stressed or bad on a come down he will use again and if he’s bored. He needs to go to meetings.
Our relationship was perfect we never fought once, never had any trust issues, but the drug has made our relationship toxic, he was accusing me of having affairs when I’d never dream of such a thing. In my temper I told him he wasn’t that attractive to me, as he hounded me for 10 months about the fact that I’d slept with other men before I met him. This was never a problem for 14 years, then suddenly it was. I got fed up of the abuse, not realising at the time it was down to drugs.