Hi, well last February my husband was literally a monster, I didn’t recognise him at all, the way he would speak to me and make me cry, my lovely husband wouldn’t do this. He left me and his kids New Year’s Eve 2017 just ran out and tried to score drugs although I was unaware of that at the time, I thought he’d just become a horrible, vile person. It all makes sense now. He was so far away from the person he was. If I was ever upset my husband would cry because I was upset before drugs.
Then when I caught him using in our house in Feb with our kids in the house and lied to my face, I shamefully admit I threw a glass at him, I blame pregnancy hormones. He then went on a week long rampage, that’s when he started adding loads of women on fb telling them we’d been spilt for ages. He told everyone I was abusive and he wasn’t willing to put up with it, not mentioning the drugs, so I outed him! To everyone. This made him furious! He literally hated me that week! I cried all the time, my pregnancy was ruined then when he stopped taking drugs for a bit he realised what he had done and was really upset he said he loved me more than anything but drugs had made him hate everyone and everything.
He also got like depression in between using, he said he didn’t feel love towards me or the kids or anything. He just felt numb. He said if his dad died at the time he wouldn’t have been bothered.
Try not to take it personally, I’m sure he does love you really, it’s just coke is a mind altering drug, until he’s off it not much can be done. That’s the most heartbreaking thing. Plus I want my husband to come back to normal so bad, I’ve learned that if I set boundaries but am nice to him and try to understand he opens up more. When I used to think what he was doing was a choice I’d fight with him, which made it all 10 times worse. I tell him that I love him and when he’s clean we will be here for him. Although I’m not sure when that will be!