I have the exact problem with my husband and cocaine. I feel like I’m grieving for someone who hasn’t died, in many ways it’s worse!
If push comes to shove he will choose me, but not for long and he’s back on it. So the circle starts again, him secretly using, me throwing him out. Only difference is I now have social services involved. My kids will always come first, I am anti drugs! So was my husband funnily enough. He didn’t used to drink or smoke even, just randomly tried coke at 30 years of age and got hooked.
I have lived in hope that he would step up and go back to the man he once was, I’m still waiting.
Only difference is both me and my husband have both said if either one sleeps with anyone else when we have fought or if we decide to separate etc there will be no going back. We both couldn’t get back together after that. Although my husband has started almost putting feelers out to move on. Testing the waters should we say by telling other women they are attractive and making me out to be a monster to everyone. I think he knows deep down what a sorry state he’s in and wants an ego boost, or they are a welcome escape from reality as they don’t know what he’s like, where as I know the horrible truth.
Sending hugs it’s the worst situation ever, but you’re not on your own. Xx