I’m in the same boat too. Happily married to my soul mate, then he starts abusing coke and alcohol. Says and thinks he’s ok. I’m the one suffering he doesn’t see anything beyond his nose.
I love my husband more than anything in the world, but I’m afraid he’s dead and I grieve for my loss. It has been a constant struggle. He is no longer the man I married. I do hope the monster he has become disappears as quickly as he appeared and my wonderful husband is resurrected.
I too feel isolated as the majority of our friends don’t know. Family too, so I spent Christmas and the new year alone as we have not been able to have children.
I also go to work then home. It’s a miserable existence nowadays. I too have had to master the art of poker face.