Adamuk – my husband is the same. When he’s normal he’s amazing, loving, loyal, gentle, calm etc.
One bad incident was when I caught him using in our house last Feb, he was deep in it then, I threw a mug at him in temper as he was lying to my face despite me having evidence. This was the night we both found out we were having our 5th baby.
Plus he knew about not using with our kids in the house. Well during that week he left me. He said in his head he hated me! He thought I was an abusive wife and he shouldn’t have to tolarate that! He was out of control. He said he didn’t think of me, the kids or the baby. He was adamant about splitting up. Then some days he would message me telling me he missed me etc, then ignore me. He said now, it’s because when you come down you realise you love people and you’ve messed up but you don’t like that feeling so you use to get rid of it! Is that how it works?