Hi Bluebell,
Bless you, how awful.. he seems to be in deep then, to rack up 40,000 worth of debt and on a 70k salary, he must have a serious addiction.
I personally dont think you can be friends after loving someone, as the hurt will be prolonged, and youll end up back together and the issues will go on, youll be back to square one. You need to be together, work through it or split up completely.
he will be lying to you, addiction is SO manipulative they are amazing liars – addicts do not just ‘recover’ not if he was in deep like that, he will still be doing it and will be saying anything to get you to let him back in.
Coke changes people, the way the mind works, everything it makes you so so selfish so yes, it will be the coke but he will be aware of what hes doing – if he wanted to change and seek help, he would.
I dont think the weed has caused this, i mean it can cause mental health problems – but if his addictive tendencies are there already then he would’ve done coke and got hooked on that. He probs has an addictive personality.
I know they arent the answers you want to hear, if he really wants to change and admits hes got a problem and wants help then i would say try stick by him but if he doesnt, and he is still lying etc I personally would leave, you have children etc and if hes been doing it that long its going to be a long hard road and you dont want your kids to go through that.
how is he managing to pay the minimum payment on that sort of salary? is it through the CSA?
It is an incurable disease and takes dedication to get into recovery – if he isnt willing then move on, dont spend your life being treated badly.. for your kids sake too.
You can be happy again and do know, none of this is your fault. xxx